Live Bitching: Redskins VS Bills

-Aww shit, I have to listen to Troy Aikman. At least he doesn't have Joe Buck with him.

-FIRST QUARTER:

-13:46: Bills get a pass rush and force a three-and-out. Am I dreaming?

-12:44: Bills answer with a three-and-out of their own. One big reason I HATE these games in Toronto? The atmosphere is like a pre-season game.

-10:04: Bills force another three-and-out. Getting the feeling there won't be a lot of points on the board today.

-9:52: David Nelson with a GODLY 26 yard catch. Takes a big hit, but hangs on.

-9:00: FREDDY goes up the gut for 13 and the Bills are on the move.

-5:11: Fitz finds Big Scott Chandler for a 20 yard TD. Chandler have five TDs, and is one away from tying a Bills' franchise record for TDs by a tight end in a season.

P.A.T. makes it 7-0 BILLS.

-4:23: Redskins go empty backfield to start this drive, and get their first first down.

-3:07: John Beck has room to run for the first down...and drops the ball. *Queue The Price is Right FAIL music*.

-2:20: Bills let a rookie WR with zero career catches get wide open for a 20 yard gain and a first down. *sigh*

-1:01: Leodis McKelvin makes a nice play to break up a pass and almost get a pick on 3rd down. He'll get burned badly later to make up for it.

-:00: Freddy runs for a first down as Aikman points out that beating New England was big for the Bills. Thanks a bunch, professor.

-SECOND QUARTER:

-14:27: Fitz loses the snap, Freddy can't grab it, and the Redskins fall on it. DAMN IT.

-13:00: Bills give up a third down, but Beck bangs his thumb on a helmet, and it might give him some issues.

-11:44: Bills get a stop, including TWO (!) sacks. Frame of reference: Bills only had 4 going into this game.

-11:08: Bills block the field goal to keep it 7-0! I *heart* Marcell Dareus!

-Replay shows it was Spencer Johnson who blocked it.

-10:17: Long pass is not particularly well thrown, but it does draw a pass interference penalty to put Buffalo at the Washington 23.

-9:25: Bills get stopped short on a 3rd down screen to Freddy, but they are in good field goal range.

-8:45: Lindell connects from 37 yards out to make it 10-0 BILLS.

-8:41: Bills special teams make another good stand, stopping the returner at the 'Skins 14.

-7:52: John Beck joins the "fuck it, I'm going deep" club, although to be fair, the ball has to be intercepted for full membership.

-7:46: DAREUS gets the Bills' third sack to force another three-and-out.

-5:07: Bills are driving, but a nice Freddy run is called back by a questionable holding penalty. Of course it is.

-3:09: Bills manage to come back when Fitz finds Naaman Roosevelt for a 22 yard gain on 3rd-and-12. First and goal.

-1:55: SHIT! Formber Bill London Fletcher makes a great play to pick off Fitz in the end zone. They are letting Washington hang around...

-1:13: Bills force yet another three-and-out, including their fourth sack of the game, to give the offense another chance to put some points on the board before halftime.

-:25: Fitz takes a shot, but finds FREDDY for a 34 yard gain to get the Bills in scoring position.

-:02: Bills barely stop the clock with time left to kick a field goal, taking a penalty in the process. Fortunately, even though the Bills have no timeouts, the penalty did not stop the clock, so there is no 10 second runoff.

-:00: Lindell connects from 44 yards out to make it 13-0 BILLS.

-Who decided to ask Mandy Moore who she thinks is going to win the upcoming UFC on FOX main event?

-THIRD QUARTER:

-14:53: FREDDY starts the second half right with a 43 yard run. I expect CJ Spiller to get called for holding, but it doesn't happen.

-10:56: Bills throw on 3rd-and-1, and it pays off as Fitz finds Chandler for his second of the game.

P.A.T. makes it 20-0 BILLS.

-10:16: Bills take an offsides penalty, and I don't care because I found a .gif of Thigpen getting beaned!

-8:20: Bills sack Beck AGAIN. How in the hell did the Redskins start 3-0?

-7:46: Bills force a punt. Another score, and this may enter the same territory of the season opener.

-5:56: Bills go three-and-out, I can't be bothered to get pissed at this point.

-3:44: Bills get sack #6 to push Washington back, then possibly #7 on 4th down to give the Bills good field position outside their own 40.

-1:42: Bills punt again. Offense has fallen asleep.

-:22: One of the Bills' d-linemen gets tackled. Apparently that's not a penalty anymore.

-FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:52: Bills finally get their first takeaway of the game, as George Wilson bats the ball to himself for the INT.

-13:22: Bills offense finally wakes up long enough for Fitz to Find Freddy for a 24 yard gain on 3rd-and-9.

-11:04: Two pre-snap penalties turn a 3rd-and-1 into a 3rd-and-11. *sigh*

-9:59: Lindell's 44 yard FG smacks off the upright. Only his second miss of the season.

-8:38: Redskins get a big gain to the Buffalo 39. COME ON GUYS PITCH THE SHUTOUT!

-7:49: Redskins go long into the end zone, but Jarius Byrd makes the pick in the end zone. Beck is officially a full member of the "fuck it, I'm going deep" club.

-6:20: Fitz finds Stevie Johnson for an 18 yard gain on 3rd-and-9 to keep the clock moving.

-3:30: Bills run the clock down, Redskins spend two timeouts in an attempt to not get shutout.

-3:26: Lindell hits from 41 to make it 23-0 BILLS.

-2:48: DAREUS re-introduces himself to Beck for yet another sack.

-1:27: Redskins are driving, down to the Buffalo 17. HOLD ON GUYS!

-:50: Bills get another sack, this time by some guy names Kirk Morrison. Bills tie a team record with 9 sacks.

-:40: Beck's 4th-and-12 pass falls incomplete.

-:00: Kneel-down ends the game. First time Mike Shanahan has been shut out in his career. :-)

-Good effort from the Bills. Offense left some points on the board, but that's the best game the defense will have all year. Next week is Bills VS Jets round 1 in Buffalo, with the Jets coming off a bye. Will be an extremely tough game.

Live Bitching: Bills at Giants

-FIRST QUARTER:

-15:00: Lindell's kickoff goes out of bounds, setting the Giants up at their own 40. Not a good start.

-13:22: Bills force a three-and-out, thanks in large part to a holding penalty on first down.

-12:44: Spiller does the "fake like I'm catching the punt while it's actually 20 yards behind me" move. I love that move.

-10:00: Bills get one first down, but are stopped short on 3rd-and-5. Hopefully they can pin the Giants deep in their own end.

-9:22: Giants get a decent return to their 31.

-8:00: Victor Cruz beats Terrence McGee for a first down on 3rd-and-4. I FUCKING HATE YOU TERRENCE MCGEE.

-6:40: Giants are on the move. Eli is hot early, hitting on 5 of his first 6 throws.

-6:10: McGee makes a nice open field tackle to stop Ahmad Bradshaw for a 2 yard loss. I FUCKING HATE YOU A LITTLE LESS TERRENCE MCGEE.

-5:27: Giants hit a big pass play to get to the 1 yard line.

-5:20: Bradshaw walks in for the touchdown. P.A.T makes it 7-0 GIANTS.

-5:06: FREDDY romps for an 80 yard score. P.A.T. makes it a 7-7 TIE. Longest run by a Bill since Thurman in 1990.

-3:24: Eli misfires on 3rd-and-5, causing another three-and-out.

-:24: Buffalo's own Naaman Roosevelt goes 60 yards on 3rd-and-6. Two huge plays in the first quarter. P.A.T. makes it 14-7 BILLS.

-:19: Illegal block penalty pins the Giants back to their own 7. Hopefully defense can get another three-and-out and change the field position.

-:00: Manningham makes a catch for five, but comes up limping. Would be a huge help to Buffalo if he's injured.

-SECOND QUARTER:

-14:47: No such luck, as Eli finds his receiver Pascoe for a 14 yard gain.

-14:13: Mario Manningham gets lit up by...Terrence McGee? Usually McGee is too far off the ball to make that hit.

-13:40: Eli finds Hakeem Nicks for 18 into Buffalo territory.

-10:44: Manningham beats Florence, who has to take an interference penalty to prevent a TD, but gives the Giants the ball first-and-goal.

-9:52: Bills' defense finally tightens up, forcing the Giants to settle for a 26 yard FG to make it 14-10 BILLS.

-8:56: Brad Smith runs for 18 on a wildcat play. Nice start to the drive.

-7:09: Fitz throws incomplete to Nelson on 3rd-and-4, but the Giants' defender never looked back at the ball, so it's a pass interference call. Ball at the Giants' 22.

-6:51: Fitz gets CRUSHED on first down and he fumbles, but the Bills fall on it.

-6:05: Fitz gets sacked again on 3rd down, and that knocks the Bills out of field goal range.

-5:59: Punt downs the Giants at their own 10. Field position didn't matter much on the last Giants' drive.

-4:37: Eli avoids the pressure and hits his tight end for a 22 yard gain. *sigh*

-4:00: FUCK! Drayton Florence gets beat for a 60 yard gain to the Buffalo 5.

-2:58: Bradshaw extends the ball across the goal line to score from 2 yards out. The play is reviewed. Bradshaw looks like he's down before he extends the ball, but the TD is upheld. P.A.T. makes it 17-14 Giants.

-2:24: Bills' are on the move, and benefit from a pretty weak roughing the passer call.

-1:00: Freddy gets stuffed on 3rd-and-inches.

-:39: Lindell hits his 200th field goal with the Bills from 49 yards out to make it a 17-17 TIE.

-00: Giants run the clock out.

-THIRD QUARTER:

-14:15: Huge play as Fitz finds David Nelson for a 14 yard gain on 3rd-and-9.

-12:54: Fitz manages to avoid a sack and dump it to Scott Chandler, which still loses a couple yards.

-12:09: An obvious pass interference goes uncalled, and the Bills have to punt.

-10:26: Bills give up 20 on 3rd-and-5. *sigh*

-8:20: McGee is about 8 yards off the ball on first down. Giants pick up 11 to the Buffalo 9.

-7:03: Manning to Manningham for an apparent 8 yard score. Review shows he was down short of the goal line, and this time it's actually called.

-6:53: Ahmad Bradshaw flies into the end zone. P.A.T. makes it 24-17 GIANTS.

-4:09: Fitz goes down the field for Stevie, but the pass is picked off by the Giants' Cory Webster. Awful throw by Fitz.

-2:01: Bills are saved by the more strict rules on what constitutes a catch as a long TD is ripped out at the last second.

-1:30: Bills hold Giants to a 51 yard field goal try...

-1:01: ...which the Bills partially block. MONSTER play there.

-:35: Fitz gets sacked again. There goes that good field position.

-:13: Screen to Freddy almost gets the first down. Huge 3rd-and-1 to start the 4th quarter.

-FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:50: Brad Smith is stopped for no gain. Damn it.

-14:14: Bills go for it, and Fitz sneaks for four yards and a huge first down. They needed that BADLY.

-11:29: Jackson gets stuffed on 2nd-and-4, and the Bills' O-Lineman Chris Hairston is injured. Giants are teeing off on Freddy, and it doesn't look good for obvious passing situations.

-8:57: Bills FINALLY finish off a drive. Fitz finds Stevie Johnson for a 9 yard TD. P.A.T. makes it a 24-24 TIE.

-7:46: Buffalo, aided by a holding call and a dropped pass, for a three-and-out.

-5:30: David Nelson with a GREAT diving catch to convert on 3rd-and-2.

-4:46: Fitz hits Nelson again for 33 yards to the Giants' 26.

-4:02: FUCKFUCKFUCK! Fitz under throws on a long ball to Stevie, and Cory Webster makes his second pick of the game.

-3:15: After stopping the Giants' run game almost the whole game, Ahmad Bradshaw breaks a couple big runs. shit...

-3:08: Florence gets called for pass interference. Giants have it inside the 30.

-2:00: Giants have a 3rd-and-1 inside the red zone at the two minute warning. Defense somehow needs to get a stop to give the offense another chance.

-1:56: Florence gets called for pass interference AGAIN on 3rd-and-6. I FUCKING HATE YOU DRAYTON FLORENCE.

-1:35: Bills actually get the stop, burning two timeouts in the process. Leodis McKelvin almost picks Eli.

-1:32: Chip shot FG makes it 27-24 GIANTS.

-1:03: Bills face a 4th-and-5, this is the game...

-:59: Ball is batted down at the line of scrimmage. :-(

-:00: Giants run the clock out.

-Damn I ran through the range of emotions in this game, especially in the second half. I went from thinking they were out of it when the offense was doing nothing, to thinking they had it won when they were driving late in the fourth, to depression after Fitz's second pick and the Giants winning drive.

-Hats off to the Giants, they deserved to win this game by more than three.

Live Reactions: Sabres AT Penguins

-Jonas Enroth is making his first start. Penguins have owned the Sabres over the last few years, hopefully that will change starting tonight.

-FIRST PERIOD:

-Penguins have a player named Lovejoy. "It's all over people! We don't have a prayer!" Good back-and-forth action for the first five minutes. Neither team gets a particularly great scoring chance though.

-Gerbe cashes in a rebound as Kris Letang crashes into the Pittsburgh net. They have to review whether it crossed the line before the net was knocked off its pegs. The goal counts to make it 1-0 Sabres.

-Gaustad takes an interference penalty. Sabres almost get a short-handed goal, but Roy's shot misses. Vanek finds Luke Adam for a nifty goal to make it 2-0 Sabres.

-Enroth makes a couple nice saves with about 4:30 left in the period to keep it 2-0. Nothing of note happens the rest of the period. Good start for Buffalo.

-SECOND PERIOD:

-A shot deflects in off Robyn Reghyr at 2:11 to make it 2-1 Sabres. Hopefully that doesn't let the crowd back in it. Penguins get the better of the play for the next few minutes.

-The action really heats up over the next few minutes, as both teams are able to apply some sustained pressed. Marc Andre Fleury makes a good stop on Cody McCormick. Pominville makes a nifty move to set up another good scoring chance.

-More good action. Sekara gets in alone on Fleury, but is stopped twice. Enroth makes a nice save to keep Buffalo in the lead.

-Sabres get their first power play with just under 4 minutes left. Sabres get a couple good chances, including hitting two posts, but can't score. They do manage to not give up any short-handed chances.

-THIRD PERIOD:

-Penguins control the first 90 seconds. Buffalo controls the next 90 seconds, then they start trading scoring chances.

-More chances. Drew Stafford scores, hitting all three posts in the process to make it 3-1 Sabres. Gordon Bombay and Wolf Stansen are jealous.

-Penguins start taking chances, giving Buffalo room to counter-attack. Vanek gets loose, but blasts his shot wide. Penguins get a rush, and Jordan Staal picks up some loose change and scores to make it 3-2 Sabres.

-Sabres get a 2-on-1 at 16:30, but Vanek misses on his shot again. Penguins pull their goalie with 1:30 left. Enroth makes a HUGE save on Paul Martin with 1:10 left. Roy battles for the puck and it deflects out of play, and since it went right off his stick without touching anything, he's called for delay of game with 21 seconds left. Penguins can't get set up with the time remaining, so the Sabres hold on for the win.

-Much better effort than last night, although the Sabres only had one power play and only had to kill one full penalty, so the special teams didn't have many opportunities to screw everything up.

I want to see a Manningface tomorrow

Seeing something like this will make my day. I don't have much to say about tomorrow's game, except I am glad that Brandon Jacobs is out, am worried about the Bills' WR depth, and if Manning the Lesser is off, the Bills might get 6 interceptions.

PREDICTION: Bills 24, Giants 17

Live Bitching: Carolina Hurricanes AT Buffalo Sabres

-First things first: I can't stand the Carolina Hurricanes. Ever since they won the Stanley Cup Honky Tonk Man style, beating the Sabres in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals along the way, I've hated them. They have a cup because the Sabres defensemen started dropping like flies, and then the same thing happened to the Edmonton Oilers in the Cup Finals. Fuck the Hurricanes.

-FIRST PERIOD:

-Not much happening in the first five minutes. Pominville took a hooking penalty at 2:50, but Buffalo killed off the penalty fairly easily. Sabres apply pressure as the penalty expires, and get a power play of their own off a tripping penalty at 5:08.

-Sabres apply pressure for the first minute of the power play as one of the Hurricanes lost his stick. Myers lets the puck go by him, and he ends up taking a tripping penalty at 6:20 to prevent a 2-on-1 and end the Sabres' power play. While it's still 4-on-4, a point shot squeaks through to make it 1-0 Sabres. Roy gets credit for the goal, but that may not stand. The Hurricanes manage to tie the game at 1 on a screened shot that Miller probably didn't see.

-Stafford somehow gets loose, and his rebound is banged home by Roy to make it 2-1 Sabres at 10:01. Sabres completely dominate the next five minutes, getting several good chances.

-Not much of note happens until Pominville takes a big hit that draws an interference penalty, since he didn't have the puck, and in fact it had moved past him. He looks shaken up, but hopefully he'll be OK. The power play is terrible, and when the puck jumps over Vanek's stick, it gives Brandon Sutter a short-handed break, and he scores to make it a 2-2 tie with 12 seconds left in the period.

-SECOND PERIOD:

-Sabres get a couple good chances, but can't cash in on the power play. Cody McCormick goes after Jared Allen for Allen's hit on Pominville, and ends up taking a penalty at 3:00. Sabres kill off the penalty, and get another power play of their own when Chad LeRose takes a high sticking penalty.

-Power play gets some more chances, but again the Sabres give up a short-handed break, and the Hurricanes score to make it 3-2 Hurricanes. Pominville is out there, so fortunately, he's OK.

-Sabres get a good chance. Paul Gaustad and Tim Gleeson get into a fight, and the crowd goes nuts. Sabres apply a lot of pressure, but there's some confusion on a change after the puck is cleared, and the Sabres get called for too many men on the ice.

-Not a whole lot happening, but Buffalo gets another power play with two minutes left. Sabres almost score (in fact, RJ was ready to yell "score!", but it dribbled just wide).

-THIRD PERIOD:

-Nothing much happened in the first five minutes of the third.

-Sabres start applying pressure, and Ennis gets tripped up to give Buffalo another power play at 7:31. Hurricanes almost score AGAIN short-handed, but the goalpost makes the save. Crowd gets restless as the power play doesn't do much.

-Ennis gets checked at the blue line, but the Hurricanes touch the puck while having too many men on the ice, drawing another penalty at 10:19. Same story, Sabres apply pressure but can't score, and Hurricanes get another chance at a short-handed goal, as Miller has to make a HUGE save to stop Staal on a breakaway.

-Sabres don't appear to be doing much when Tyler Myers rushes to the net, and Drew Stafford cashes in a rebound to tie the game at 3 at 17:41. The crowd goes nuts, but then the momentum goes back to the Hurricanes when Vanek takes a tripping penalty at 18:00. Jeff Skinner scores at 18:36 to make it 4-3 Hurricanes. Damn it. Carolina takes an icing at 18:57, allowing the Sabres to pull Miller. Erhoff can't control the puck, and has to take a tripping penalty at 19:29. Sabres get a good shot from Vanek, but time runs out.

-Damn, Buffalo's special teams were BRUTAL tonight, and it cost them the game. They've had stretches before where that's been an issue, hopefully it doesn't plague them this season.

Live Bitching: Eagles at Bills

FIRST QUARTER:

-14:53: Bills jump offside, but it doesn't matter because Jeremy Mackling gets wide open for a 19 yard gain. Not a good start.

-12:20: Bills stuff two runs, but appear to give up a 3rd-and-11 conversion, getting a bad spot in the process. The Bills challenge, and the spot is overturned, putting the Eagles a half-yard short.

-12:08: Eagles convert the third down with a pass to Jason Avant.

-11:43: Eagles run a screen, but the pass is batted into the air and intercepted by George Wilson.

-8:39: Bills convert a 3rd-and-5 (after Andy Reid blows a timeout), and Donald Jones breaks three tackles to gain 19 to the Eagles' 4 yard line.

-8:03: FREDDY takes it in from four yards out. PAT makes it 7-0 BILLS.

-6:23: Vick avoids a rush and hits Jason Avant for 22 on 3rd-and-14. *sigh*

-4:30: Vick gets pasted, and the wounded duck is picked off by George Wilson. Bills lead the league in INTs with 10, after not getting their first last year until DECEMBER.

-3:02: Fitz converts a 3rd-and-6 with a pass to Stevie. Donald Jones may be hurt, but the bigger news is that the Bills have "little people" on their sideline.

-1:37: Fitz is almost picked on 3rd down. That would have been an easy pick six.

-1:30: Bills may as well have gone for it, as the punt goes into the end zone, and Corey McIntyre is called for a facemask, putting the ball at the Eagles' 35, netting only a 3 yard change. Donald Jones is carted off the field. NOT GOOD.

-:00: Eagles are on the move, with a second down at the Buffalo 39. Momentum is shifting.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:51: Vick gets tackled from behind and is up limping. The ball pops out and the Bills recover. Vick was clearly down, so I don't see this holding up.

-It is indeed overturned, setting up a 3rd-and-2.

-14:28: Vick goes backward and just throws it up for an incompletion. Roughing the passer penalty keeps the Eagles on the field. DAMN IT.

-12:42: Macklin gets loose for a 2 yard TD. PAT makes it a 7-7 TIE.

-10:24: FREDDY turns a screen into a monster gain of 50 to the Eagles' 11 yard line on third and six. They needed that BADLY.

-9:17: Fitz finds David Nelson for a 6 yard strike to regain the lead. PAT makes it 14-7 BILLS.

-9:00: NICK BARNETT! PICK SIX! Vick gets creamed and throws his 3rd INT of the game, the Bills' 11th pick this season. PAT makes it 21-7 BILLS.

-7:29: Bills force a three-and-out. George Wilson bats down a pass on third-and-six. Wilson is having a MONSTER game so far.

-5:45: Bills go three-and-out, including a shitty wildcat play. Don't get cute Chan.

-4:45: Vick runs for 22. They really don't need to hand the momentum back to Philly before halftime.

-3:22: Bills don't give up anything else after that. Byrd bats down a pass on 3rd-and-4.

-2:25: Bills run a shovel pass. I get nervous every time they do since Super Bowl XXVIII.

-2:10: Fitz sees no one guarding the middle, and "sneaks" for nine yard on 3rd-and-9. After Reid burns Philly's third timeout.

-:39: BAD throw by Fitz. Eagles pick it off and prevent Buffalo from adding more points before halftime. Eagles are set up in Buffalo territory.

-:00: Eagles don't get anything, as Vick takes too long on 3rd-and-10 with 8 seconds left before throwing it away. I thought there was one second left, but Reid needs to stop burning timeouts.

-Seriously, if the Bills' second half offense is anything BUT a whole lot of FREDDY, then someone needs to be looking for a new job tomorrow.

THIRD QUARTER:

-Eagles try an onside kick, Bills recover in Philly territory. DAMN IT, it's called back because the refs hadn't called the ball ready for play.

-14:53: FREDDY breaks off a 22 yard run.

-11:07: Spiller breaks two tackles to turn a 5 yard loss into an 8 yard gain to the Philly 15.

-9:11: This wildcat play works, as Brad Smith runs for a 5 yard TD. PAT makes it 28-7 BILLS.

-7:44: Vick breaks off a 53 yard run. I was deathly afraid of this before the game started.

-7:22: LeSean McCoy runs for a 10 yard TD. PAT makes it 28-14 BILLS.

-7:07: FREDDY turns a dump off into a 20 yard gain. Big "Freddy!" chant as we go to commercial because an Eagles' player is shaken up.

-5:26: Bills can't do anymore. Fitz is hit as he throws on third down, and it falls incomplete.

-5:16: Beautiful punt coverage pins the Eagles down at their own 2 yard line.

-4:59: Bills give up a big pass to Jason Avant, but Jarius Byrd rips the ball out Avant's hands and recovers it at the Eagles' 37.

-4:06: WR screens are gaining nothing, which they usually do, which is why I FUCKING HATE THEM.

-3:26: Screen pass to Freddy comes out short of the first down, but a facemask penalty gives Buffalo a first down at the Eagles' 14.

-1:15: Bills are held to a field goal to make it 31-14 BILLS.

-:55: McKelvin gets beat by Avant for a 17 yard gain, sucks something awful.

-:12: LeSean McCoy runs for 30 yards. I have a feeling it's going to be a good thing that we're heading into the fourth quarter.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:51: DeSean Jackson goes in from 31 on a short WR screen. PAT makes it 31-21 BILLS.

-14:40: One quick pass is almost picked, another screen is too high and Freddy is dumped for a 3 yard loss. Not liking the way this is going.

-13:55: Fitz is sacked back at the Buffalo 11. No no no no no no no no no...

-12:57: Eagles are already at the Buffalo 24. *sigh*

-12:29: McCoy takes a screen 16 yards to the Buffalo 8.

-11:19: Vick runs it in for a TD, but it's called back by an illegal use of hands penalty.

-11:10: Another holding call moves them back 10 more yards.

-9:29: Bills use the help to hold Philly to a field goal to make it 31-24 BILLS.

-9:25: Brad Smith decides to return a kick out of the end zone at the worst time, and gets stuffed at the 10.

-9:19: Freddy runs for 8, but it's called back for holding.

-9:06: Roosevelt breaks a tackle and gains 20. HUGE play for the Bills.

-8:32: FREDDY breaks two more tackles to run for 11.

-7:09: MONSTER 3rd-and-7 right here...

-6:30: ...and Stevie is stopped short. FUCK!

-4:45: Bills almost get a sack, and end up giving up an 11 yard pass.

-2:00: Eagles are down to the Buffalo 25. 3rd-and-3 at the two minute warning...

-1:49: YES!!! Drayton Florence rips the ball from Jason Avant, and Nick Barnett picks it up out of the air. Time to run the clock down.

-1:23: Bills cannot get a first down to end the game, but do make Philly burn their timeouts. Bills line up, and draw the Eagles offside, giving them the first down, so they can run the clock down.

-:00: Bills kneel down to BARELY hold on for the win, but a win is a win, says I.

Preview: Eagles at Bills

-This looks like a classic setup for a Bills loss. I can see the Eagles team highlight video at the end of the year. "Even though they had stocked the roster with big name free agents, and were a pre-season favorite, they were 1-3. The season was on the brink of destruction...UNTIL THEY WENT TO BUFFALO...".

-The Bills' offensive gameplan was total dogshit last week, as they kept trying long passes that fell incomplete, instead of handing the rock to Freddy Jackson and pounding out first downs. It appears they definitely fell in love with the passing game, and forgot that after week 2, Freddy was leading the league in rushing. The defense played really well in the first half, but then completely collapsed in the second half.

-This week's matchup against the Eagles offense is really scary. I can see the Bills getting the Eagles into several third downs, only for Ron Fucking Mexico to run for first downs over and over. The Eagles have some really talented wide receivers, and the Bills' secondary...sucks. If they manage to continually lineup DeSean Jackson against Leodis McKelvin, Jackson may rack up Welkian numbers tomorrow.

-I really don't like this matchup for the Bills, and unfortunately, I think they may have peaked with the game against New England. They've lost the buzz they had after week 3, and we'll find out just how good they actually are over the next two weeks, as they play the Eagles and Giants.

-As for this week, I'm seeing a 31-17 Eagles win. The Bills' best chance is to run Freddy (the Eagles' run defense is ass), but I'm not sure they're smart enough to do that.

Live Bitching: Sabres VS Kings

-The Sabres are coming off a 4-1 win over the Anaheim Ducks yesterday (I didn't get to see the game), while the Kings won 3-2 in overtime against the Rangers. Expectations are high for the Sabres this year. Hopefully it's a good sign that they were able to strike twice on the power play yesterday. If their power play was anything other than dogshit in the playoffs, they would have swept the Flyers instead of losing in 7 games.

-FIRST PERIOD:

-18:42: Gerbe is stopped on a partial breakaway.

-18:12: Seemingly proving my suspicions that there are more Sabres fans at the game than Kings fans, a decent "Let's Go Buffalo!" chant breaks out.

-14:47: Miller makes his first real save of the game, and gets a big reaction for it. Respect from the Olympics?

-13:10: Sabres get a real good chance to score. They keep whacking away at the puck as it's free. The Kings don't see things that way, and there's a big scrum behind the net.

-5:50: Sabres get the first power play of the game. Erhoff may be injured. WONDERFUL.

-5:16; MSG has a graphic showing that the Sabres' power play is 4th in the NHL. THEY'VE PLAYED ONE GAME! LOTS OF TEAMS HAVEN'T EVEN PLAYED YET!

-3:50: Sabres' get some pressure early on the PP, but can't do anything once the second unit gets in. It's like last season all over again.

-2:55: Miller has to make a couple big saves.

-2:30: Leopold receives a blind pass right in the slot, but doesn't pull the trigger. This happens all the time with the Sabres, as they go from doing whatever they need to do to score to trying to make the perfect play. They usually lose a lot of games when they do that.

-:56: Vanek takes a stupid interference penalty. I can't figure out whether the crowd is happy or pissed.

-:00: Sabres do a good job of killing off the first part of the penalty. The Kings only get control in the last few seconds before the period ends.

-LA actually outshot Buffalo 12-9, which surprises me, since it looked to me like Buffalo had a lot more puck control.

-SECOND PERIOD:

-18:50: LA keeps the puck in Buffalo's end, but, like the Sabres PP at their worst, doesn't pull the trigger on any shots. The crowd gets into the game and chants...something.

-17:55: Erhoff is back on the ice. *whew*

-17:15: Vanek forces a turnover behind the Kings' net. Pominville finds Adam out in front, and he scores to make it 1-0 Sabres.

-15:52: Gerbe out-muscles a Kings player for the puck. You really should re-think your training regimen when you're getting out-muscled by NATHAN GERBE.

-15:10: The stupid "doo-doo-doo...doo-doo-doo" song the Blackhawks play when they score at home starts, and the crowd continues to sing it even after it stops.

-14:53: Adam forces a turnover, and manages to score before Pominville can sneak in and steal the goal from him. That makes it 2-0 Sabres.

-12:05: Kings start making some headway in the Buffalo zone, and Miller has to make a big save.

-8:00: Sabres get a power play, do nothing with it.

-6:38: Gerbe blindly throws the puck towards the net, and THE GOOSE Paul Gaustad deflects it in to make it 3-0 Sabres. When did Gaustad become a skill player?

-2:30: LA's Drew Doughty tries a shot from his knees. It gets blocked. That's a total Derek Roy move.

-1:43: Sabres steal the puck a bunch of times before Drew Stafford kills it all by taking a triping penalty. They play "Song 2" in the arena. Odd time for that.

-:35: Gaustad loses his stick on the penalty kill, and the Kings' Kopitar scores to make it 3-1 Sabres.

-:02: Horn sounds to end the period early. They say "fuck it" and head to the lockerroom anyway.

THIRD PERIOD:

-17:43: Kings get the first good chance of the period, but take a penalty that Buffalo won't take advantage of.

-16:05: Wow, I was wrong. Roy actually throws the puck at the net, and Stafford cashes in during a scramble in front to make it 4-1 Sabres.

-12:40: Sabres appear to take a 5-1 lead on a deflection, but it's waived off because Cody McCormick knocked the puck down with a high stick.

-9:01: Stafford plows over the Kings' goalie, and things get testy again. Gerbe and Brad Richardson take penalties. I want to see Nathan Gerbe fight one of these days.

-4:15: Justin Williams feeds Andre Kopitar, who makes a sweet move on Miller to make it 4-2 Sabres. We're not done yet.

-2:23: Kings wake up and apply pressure, but Buffalo almost scores on the counter attack. Luke Adam is continually denied on his quest for the hat trick.

-1:36: Kings pull their goalie, and Miller robs Kopitar of a hat trick of his own twice.

-:30: Gerbe chases the puck down close to the empty net, and draws a cross-checking penalty to make the final seconds a lot less tense.

Sabres move to 2-0-0, and now go back home for almost a week off until they play the Carolina Hurricanes in the home opener on Friday.

Live Bitching: Bills at Bengals 10/2/11

Shocking everyone, the Bills made it out of September undefeated after stunning the Patriots last week. This week, the Bills travel to Cincy to play the Bengals, who haven't beaten them since the 1988 AFC Championship Game, a span of 10 games.

The game is blacked out in Cincinnati, and there may end up being more Bills fans in the stands than Bengals fans. The Bengals are starting a rookie QB, and are only 1-2. However, both of their losses have been really close, and their defense is currently ranked 3rd in the league. This is the definition of "trap game", and if the Bills want to show the league that they are for real, they need to take care of business today.

Too many people are picking the Bills today, and it's making me nervous.

FIRST QUARTER

-Bengals take the Bills' strategy of deferring after winning the coin toss.

-12:46: Bills drive stalls after two straight incompletions. Bengals are applying pressure early.

-12:10: Horrifically shitty tackling turns a loss on a WR screen into a 25 yard gain.

-10:40: Bills get lucky when Andre Caldwell drops a sure first down on 3rd-and-6.

-10:32: Punt pins Buffalo to their own 6. Offense needs to get something going before the Bengals do.

-9:05: Fitz goes long on 3rd-and-5 and misses Freddy. Another slow start by the offense.

-8:35: Bills force a three-and-out, as Andy Dalton is throwing high.

-7:14: Smith can't hang on to another long pass on 3rd down. I am not liking this strategy.

-5:42: Bengals starting to run the ball, get to the Buffalo 30.

-2:06: Dalton overthrows AJ Green in the end zone. Bills get lucky.

-2:02: Mike Nugent hits a 31 yard FG to make it 3-0 BENGALS.

-1:17: Two Bengals for the pick, and pass deflects to Naaman Roosevelt, who takes it into Bengals' territory.

-:00: Bills go deep again on 2nd down, but Donald Jones can't hold on. Bad first quarter for the offense.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:53: Bills convert a HUGE 3rd-and-10 with a 16 yard screen to Brad Smith.

-13:37: Drive stalls at the Bengals' 25, setting up a 43 yard FG...

-13:32: ... which Lindell makes to make it a 3-3 TIE.

-12:10: YES! Andy Dalton is sacked on 3rd-and-6. He fumbles the ball, and Bryan Scott is the only person for the Bills who seems to notice. He takes it in, pending a review. He was touched, but I think he was touched before he got the ball.

-12:10: Nevermind, the FUCKING TUCK RULE negates everything.

-10:54: Fitz with another bad throw misses Donald Jones. Bills need to start going for first downs instead of big plays.

-9:17: McKelvin not even close to AJ Green. Bengals get another first down.

-6:28: Andy Dalton, meet Marcell Dareus! First sack of hopefully many for Dareus in his NFL career.

-5:46: Bills force another punt. Hopefully they can get something going on offense now.

-5:39: Punt goes out of bounds at the Buffalo 22, but Drayton Florence is called for a hold. *sigh*

-5:33: David Nelson gets called for offensive pass interference to make it worse.

-4:15: Bills are forced to punt again. Bengals should get good field position.

-3:20: Merriman gets blatantly held...and no call, which has been par for the course so far.

-3:10: Caldwell can't come down with a pass, and Bryan Scott takes it off Caldwell's legs and runs it back for a TD! PAT makes it 10-3 BILLS.

-2:33: AJ Green burns McKelvin for a 58 yard gain to the Buffalo 25. I FUCKING HATE YOU LEODIS MCKELVIN.

-2:13: George Wilson comes up HUGE with a pick! Bills are lucky Andy Dalton isn't any good.

-1:56: FREDDY breaks a 21 yard run into Bengals' territory.

-1:00: Bills' offense wakes up just before halftime. Big catch-and-run by Stevie Johnson sets them up 1st-and-goal at the Cincy 2.

-:40: FREDDY waltzes into the end zone. Seriously, he held his hands out and danced in. Trust me. PAT makes it 17-3 BILLS.

-:00: Bengals don't try to score before halftime and get booed off the field.

THIRD QUARTER:

-14:22: Cedric Benson runs for 28 to the Buffalo 47. Not a good way to start the half.

-13:38: McKelvin gets burned AGAIN by AJ Green for 40 yards. NOT GOOD.

-11:27: Bills get lucky as Bengals stop pounding the ball and throw on 3rd-and-goal from the two, but can't make the connection.

-11:23: Chip shot field goal by Nugent makes it 17-6 BILLS, and draws more boos from the Bengals fans.

-10:01: Bills go three-and-out. Fitz is sacked and the front of his jersey gets ripped. Momentum is all with the Bengals right now.

-9:21: Huge punt by Moorman keeps the Bengals from getting really good field position. They will start at their own 27.

-7:14: Benson runs for 10, and the Bengals are moving again.

-5:26: Dalton finds Jermain Gresham for a 26 yard TD. All Bengals this quarter. PAT makes it 17-13 BILLS.

-2:48: Freddy makes a nice run to get the Bills to the Buffalo 46. Offense needs this drive.

-0:25: 3rd-and-7, this is HUGE...

-0:00: Fitz hits Spiller for an 8 yard gain to convert. Buffalo is at the Bengals' 29. They really need points on this drive to put the pressure back on Cincy.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-13:40: Freddy is shaken up, but Spiller converts a 3rd-and-2, and he gets shaken up. Freddy is back in, fortunately.

-12:00: Bengals stops Freddy short of a first down on a screen. Lindell comes in for a chip shot.

-11:22: Which he makes to make it 20-13 BILLS.

-10:02: Bills force a MASSIVE three-and-out. If offense can get a drive like the last one, they could put this away.

-8:39: Bills get FUCKED on 3rd down. Stevie makes a catch for a first down, but even though the ball doesn't appear to touch the ground, it's ruled incomplete, and upheld on replay.

-7:47: Bills get pressure on Dalton, but he manages to make a long completion to Germaine Grasham.

-6:09: Bills give up 18 on 3rd-and-8, and Bengals are in the red zone.

-4:10: Dalton runs it in from 3 yards out. FUCK! PAT makes it a 20-20 TIE.

-1:59: Bills' offense stalls AGAIN, and they will have to punt. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD NOT GOOD

-:45: Bengals get a fortunate spot on a Dalton scramble to give them a first down.

-:26: Bengals get inside the Buffalo 30, and now they have to hope for a miss on the FG...

-:00: DAMN IT. 23-20 BENGALS

Preview: Bills VS Bengals

So, after a shocking and exhilerating upset of Pennywise and the Pats, the Bills find themselves the toast of the league (along with the Lions), and the only undefeated team in the AFC. The question now becomes, can they handle success?

This has all the makings of a trap game. Buffalo is coming off an astronomically huge win. The Bengals are only 1-2, and starting a rookie QB. It's a road game against another hungry young team. The Bills just ended a 15 game losing streak to New England, and the Bengals are trying to end a 10 game losing streak to the Bills, with their last win coming in the 1989 AFC Championship Game. Last season, the Bills became the only team in NFL history to win a game by 18 points or more after trailing by 21 (trailed 28-7 in the 2nd quarter, won 49-31). I would prefer they not fall behing big again.

It's The Amish Rifle Ryan Fitzpatrick VS The Red Rifile Andy Dalton. The Bengals defense is currently #3 in the league, but their competition hasn't been stiff. The Bills offense is on pace to set a new NFL single season scoring record (yes really). The Bills' defense has not looked great the last two weeks, but they have been playing a much-better-than-anticipated Raiders team (who took down the Jets last week, helping Buffalo claim sole posession of first place in the AFC East), and of course, the Patriots and their pretty boy juggernaut Tom Brady.

If the Bills want to prove that they are a legitimate contender, they have to win games like this going away. The worst thing they can do is have another slow start and let the Bengals hang around.

I would love to see an effort similar to opening day, but I think it will be somewhere in between opening day and the last two weeks.

I am predicting a 31-17 BILLS win to move them to 4-0, before they start taking on the NFC East

Live Bitching: Patriots at Bills 9/25/11

The whole week has seen NFL analysts saying that the Bills have a shot to win today. The only person I've seen actually pick them to win is Bill Cowher. These Bills-Patriots games are usually like three hour Jigsaw traps for me, and I'm not expecting much to change today.

On the plus side, MARV ALBERT (YES!) is doing play-by-play for the game. I've always loved that girlfriend-biting bastard.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Bills win the toss, but defer. Hopefully this works out like it did last week.

-9:45: So it begins: Brady finds Welker for a 14 yard TD. Bills had no answer for the Pats passing game on this drive, Welker in particular. PAT makes it 7-0 PATRIOTS.

-9:37: Fitz opens up by finding Stevie Johnson for a 33 yard gain to the Patriots 47. Good start.

-8:46: ...so of course the next pass is tipped, then intercepted. Patriots start at the Buffalo 35. FUCK.

-7:55: Two passes to Welker get the Pats to the Buffalo 6.

-7:12: Hey! Buffalo forced an incompletion!

-7:03: Bills force Brady to scramble to the 1...but then get called for defensive holding, giving them another first down. Refs miss a Buffalo lineman getting held, of course.

-6:01: Brady hits Gronkoswki for a TD on second down. PAT makes it 14-0 PATRIOTS. I don't drink, and currently couldn't if I wanted to...and I may want to before this game is over. Hell, I may want to before this HALF is over.

-3:22: Bills convert a HUGE 3rd-and-8 with a 14 yard gain to Stevie.

-1:25: Bills look close to converting on 3rd down...but Erik Wood gets called for a chop block. MOTHER FUCKER.

-:14: Bills go for it on 4th-and-14, and Fitz is intercepted again.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:51: BILLS FORCE A PUNT! BILLS FORCE A PUNT!

-12:58: Stevie catches a pass, but then tries to turn, and gets dropped a yard behind the line.

-11:07: Patriots get a long pass to Gronkowski called back for illegal hands to the face. Something finally goes right for Buffalo.

-10:47: BILLS FORCE A PUNT! BILLS FORCE A PUNT!

-9:58: Freddy breakes a couple takes to run for 11 and wake up the crowd.

-9:27: Wood gets called for holding. *sigh*

-9:04: Freddy trips over his own two feet coming out of the backfield for a pass.

-8:16: Bills try a fancy screen pass and lose yards on 3rd-and-12.

-6:24: Bills only rush three and 3rd-and-9, and give up 21.

-6:01: Brady-to-Gronkowski TD. PAT makes it 21-0 PATRIOTS.

-5:57: Spiller takes the kick 8 yards out of the end zone, and gets stuffed at the 16...and of course, there's a block in the back to make it worse.

-5:13: Freddy runs for 22. They'll find some way to fuck this up.

-4:29: There it is. Fitz scrambles for a first down, but Scott Chandler gets called for holding.

-3:54: Fitz finds David Nelson for a nice gain, then New England gets called for a helmet-to-helmet hit on Fitz, giving Buffalo a first down.

-2:47: Nelson makes it to the Patriots' 15 yard line on a nice catch-and-run.

-1:56: Bills finally get on the board with a nice pass to Stevie. PAT makes it 21-7 PATRIOTS.

-1:45: Patriots run a screen (surprised it took this long) for 12, then Nick Barnett doesn't hear the whistle and bodyslams Danny Woodhead, drawing a personal foul.

-1:09: ...and Jarius Byrd leads with his helmet while tackling Welker.

-1:05: Bills get a lucky break as a deflected pass is intercepted by Byron Scott deep in Buffalo territory to prevent another New England score.

-:24: Screen to Freddy gains 28. Bills might have a chance to get some points before halftime.

-:14: Fitz throws a bad pass to Jones, which could have gotten them into the red zone.

-:08: Fitz hits Stevie for an 8 yard gain to set up a 42 yard field goal attempt...

-:03: ...which he hits to make it 21-10 PATRIOTS.

THIRD QUARTER:

-13:37: Bills go three-and-out. They needed something on that drive. :-(

-13:16: INTERCEPTION! Leodis McKelvin makes a nice play against OchoCinco and returns the ball to the NE 40. :-)

-11:30: Bills convert a huge 3rd-and-4.

-11:01: Freddy breaks tackles and makes it first-and-goal at the NE 6.

-9:34: SCOTT CHANDLER is left wide open for the TD on 3rd down, and WE HAVE OURSELVES A BALL GAME IN BUFFALO! PAT makes it 21-17 PATRIOTS.

-4:51: Bills defense bends, but does not break, allowing a 23 yard field goal to make it 24-17 PATRIOTS.

-4:45: Fitz misses a WIDE OPEN Donald Jones. Damn it, they needed that.

-4:33: Bills go three-and-out. :-(

-2:30: 3rd-and-7, crowd is into it...and Buffalo gives up 23 to Welker. McKelvin accidentally gives rookie CB Aaron Williams a boom drop to the back of the neck. Hopefully it's not serious.

-:00 Patriots are driving, but a holding penalty makes it 2nd-and-11. Like it matters.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:51: Bills actually get another stop, forcing two straight incompletions. Nice play by Byrd to swat away the pass on 3rd-and-11.

-13:18: Bills go three-and-out again deep in their own end. They are quickly running out of chances here.

-11:27: When things look their bleakest, George Wilson comes up with an interception to keep the Bills in the game. Of course, there's an illegal block penalty on the return, but that INT was HUGE.

-11:24: Pats hand the Bills a first down with a personal foul.

-10:56: Fitz finds Donald Jones for a monster gain to the New England 32.

-10:39: Fitz throws a pick, but it's because Donald Jones was interfered with in the end zone. Ball is placed at the 1.

-10:36: FREDDY pounds it in from there. PAT makes it a 24-24 TIE.

-10:22: DRAYTON FLORENCE! PICK SIX! BILLS TAKE THE LEAD! PAT makes it 31-24 BILLS.

-8:12: Ochocinco drops a sure TD on 3rd down. Oh man...

-8:00: ...Pats convert on 4th-and-4 though.

-6:10: Welker kills them again with a big gain on 3rd-and-6.

-3:25: Pats convert on 4th-and-goal from the 6, as Brady finds Welker again for the TD. PAT makes it a 31-31 TIE.

-3:16: Big play as Fitz hits a diving Donald Jones for 29 to near-midfield.

-2:35: Screen to Freddy gets the ball to the New England 39. Bills start taking their time.

-1:43: FREDDY goes for a big gain and looks to score a TD. Replays show he's down just short, which is actually better at this point, as long as Buffalo scores.

-1:00: Bills run the clock down rather than try to score right away. Fitz almost loses the ball on one of the plays, but the Pats are called for a personal foul, which gives Buffalo a first down and another play to run out the clock.

-:03: Lindell comes in for the chip shot to win it...

-:00: BILLS WIN! BILLS WIN! BILLS WIN! 34-31 BILLS win!

-HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK THE BILLS WON! PENNYWISE IS DEAD!

-FUCK YOU, YOU GIANT SPIDER FUCK!

Bills VS Patriots Preview

I feel like Mike Hanlon, and I just found Georgie Denbrough's picture next to the mutilated corpse of a little girl.

The Bills are off to a nice 2-0 start. They're starting to erase the memories of last year's awful season, and maybe move forward from the last decade-plus of futility.

And here come the fucking Patriots to ruin everything.

The Bills have lost to the Pats 15 straight times, since their only win against New England in the Tom Brady era, a glorious 31-0 mudhole stomping on opening day 2003.

I am holding out hope that the Bills improved offense, and New England's less than impressive defense will help keep Buffalo in the game. However, that may not be enough, as Tom Brady has thrown for over 500 and over 400 yards in his first two games, and last week the Bills made Jason Campbell and his corps of backup wide receivers look like the 1980s 49ers.

I am hoping, like Hanlon did, that he's wrong. That the nightmare from his past is not returning, but the fact is, he knows that IT is eating children again, just like I know that the Pats are going to eat Buffalo's lunch...again.

I hate to do it, but my predicition is 42-24 New England, as Buffalo either falls behind right away, or stays in the game for a bit, before committing some costly errors to put them too far behind.

I miss the good old days when New England still had Pat Patriot on their helmet, and Kelly's boys would demolish them on a regular basis.

Maybe Brady will tear another ligament...

Live Bitching: Raiders at Bills 9/18/11

Let's see, the Raiders are a West Coast team traveling cross-country. They're missing a lot of their starting WR corps, and their starting tight end. Their QB is Jason Campbell.

If I were a fan of any team other than the Bills, I would be completely confident in a win.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Bills win the toss, but defer.

-15:00: Opening kickoff goes out of the end zone. I like the new blue end zones at the Ralph.

-14:52: Raiders try to fool Buffalo with play action on first down. Campbell has all day to throw, but ends up having to throw it away with a Bills player clinging to his ankles.

-14:43: Raiders throw again, and Bills almost get a pick from McKelvin. Raiders WR comesdown with the ball, but they gain nothing.

-13:56: Raiders run a screen, but Buffalo manages to stop it short of the first down, and the Raiders have to punt.

-13:22: Bills get called for an illegal block in the back on the punt return, which pins them back to their own 16.

-12:30: Bills offense goes three-and-out in return, with one run being stuffed, and two incompletions.

-10:18: Raiders get a first down, but Drayton Florence is close to getting a pick six on first down.

-9:27: Campbell gets belted and the Bills force a punt.

-9:19: Parrish fair-catches the punt at the Buffalo 14. Offense better do something before the field position gets switched too far in Oakland's favor.

-8:32: Fred Jackson pops a 34 yard run to midfield. NO FLAGS! :-)

-6:37: Bills convert a third-and-five and they're on the move.

-6:01: ...so of course they got a crack back block, which is a 15 yard penalty. *sigh*

-4:39: Bills try a trick play on 3rd-and-23, but Brad Smith doesn't pull the trigger on a throw, and they lose 7 yards.

-2:30: Bills are starting to let McFadden run. This is not good.

-1:11: Bills let McFadden gain 4 on 4th-and-inches. Damn it.

-0:00: Big 3rd-and-3 coming up on the first play of the second quarter. Bills need a stop here.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:51: ...and they give up 20 when McKelvin gets beat by a rookie WR.

-13:00: Bills give up another 3rd down conversion and Oakland has it first-and-goal at the 1.

-11:33: Michael Bush takes it in from the 1 on third down. PAT makes it 7-0 RAIDERS.

-10:40: Fitz is picked off on 3rd-and-10, Raiders get the ball at the Buffalo 34. This is NOT GOOD.

-8:10: Bills can't tackled, and McFadden scores from 4 yards out. PAT makes it 14-0 RAIDERS. Damn it guys, I expected you to crush everyone's hope NEXT week.

-7:19: Bills get a couple quick throws to get into Raider territory. This is more like it.

-4:07: Bills get in the red zone after a Brad Smith wildcat run. Keep it going fuckers.

-2:35: Bills face a fourth-and-inches, and Chan Gailey wimps out, opting for a FG, which makes it 14-3 RAIDERS. Did Dick Jauron come back?

-2:00: Bills give up 16 yards on a screen to kill any chances they have of getting something before halftime.

-1:51: McKelvin gets burned for a 42 yard pass. As awesome as last week was, this week is sucking.

-1:28: Bills give up a big run to Michael Bush, who gets inside the one. I hate football.

-1:22: Campbell sneaks it in for the TD. PAT makes it 21-3 RAIDERS. GODDAMNITSOMUCH

-1:09: Stevie looks to make a big catch, but gets laid out for an incompletion. Bills get lucky as Oakland is called for a helmet-to-helmet hit.

-:09: Bills make a couple throws...but in the middle of the field, which kills the clock.

-:04: Fitz with a bad throw to Stevie, but clock may have run out if he caught it.

-:00: Lindell misses from 39. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

THIRD QUARTER:

-14:54: Fitz goes long, and Stevie draws a pass interference call to start the second half off right.

-14:44: Fitz scramble to mid-field. Now they just have to not fuck this up.

-13:26: FREDDY finally gives me something to cheer for with a 43 yard TD run. PAT makes it 21-10 RAIDERS.

-13:22: Bills get a good special teams tackle to pin Oakland at their own 14. Defense needs to make a play to keep the momentum going.

-12:38: Rookie Aaron Williams allows a 10 yard catch on 3rd-and-9 with Buffalo in Campbell's face. That was their chance to really get back in the game.

-10:39: Bills give up another 3rd down conversion. WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?

-8:31: Raiders fake out EVERYONE including the camerman on 3rd and 1. :-(

-7:09: Defense FINALLY makes a play as McFadden loses the ball, and Buffalo falls on it at their own 43.

-5:40: Smith gets 11 to move Buffalo to the Oakland 25. I am liking the way this is going...

-5:03: Screen pass to Spiller gets Buffalo first-and-goal to the Oakland 7.

-3:42: Fitz finds Stevie on 3rd-and-goal for the TD. PAT makes it 21-17 RAIDERS. Where was this in the first half?

-3:38: Bills again stuff Raiders kick returner deep in their own end. Raiders will start from their 14. COME ON DEFENSE!

-3:29: Raiders try to turn the tide with a bomb, but it misses.

-3:23: Bills stop McFadden for a 2 yd run HUGE 3rd down coming...

-2:41: Bills force an incompletion. YES! YES! A MILLION TIMES YES!

-1:30: Fitz is finding Stevie, and the Bills are on the move again.

-:55: FREDDY runs for 29 to the Raiders 16. Buffalo has matched their first half yardage in this quarter.

-:06: Pass interference call is reneged. Fitz gets sacked, but there's an illegal contact call that gives Buffalo first-and-10 at the Oakland 11.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:48: SCOTT CHANDLER gets inside the one. First-and-goal...

-14:10: FREDDY pounds it in on second effort. Raiders challenge when it's automatically reviewed...and that is apparently a 15 yard penalty. PAT makes it 24-21 BILLS.

-Kickoff goes out of the end zone (obviously). I am trying really hard not to jinx this game right now.

-13:34: Bills give up a first down on the Raiders' first play, but then a holding call pushes Oakland back.

-13:06: Bills give up a 25 yard pass play to give up a first-and-20. Uggggghhhhhh...

-11:41: Raiders WR Darren Hagan is KILLING Buffalo right now.

-10:58: Raiders run a double-reverse for 25 yards to the Buffalo 18. There goes that momentum.

-9:18: Campbell finds McFadden for a 12 yard catch-and-run TD. PAT makes it 28-24 RAIDERS.

-9:11: Announcer scares the shit out of me by saying Tyler Thigpen is in. He's wrong, thankfully.

-8:38: Spiller the Thriller runs for 29 to the Raiders 39.

-6:47: Fitz finds Stevie for a 17 yard gain to the Raider 8. Comeoncomeoncomeon...

-5:31: Fitz misfires on 3rd-and-goal, but Buffalo is bailed out by a defensive holding call.

-4:49: Fitz hits SCOTT CHANDLER for a 6 yd TD to regain the lead. PAT makes it 31-28 BILLS.

-4:44: Raiders kick returner helps the Bills out a lot by falling down, then getting pinned at the Raiders' 12.

-4:35: Bills' shitty tackling turns a 7 yard loss into a 13 yard gain.

-3:50: George Wilson is not even CLOSE to the receivers he's "covering".

-3:41: Raiders' receiver beats two Bills defenders for a 50 yard TD. *sigh* PAT makes it 35-31 RAIDERS.

-2:28: Bills are slowly moving into Raiders' territory. Best case scenario is a TD with almost no time left.

-1:45: Jackson turns no gain into an 11 yard gain on a screen.

-1:03: Bills face a 4th-and-3, this is it...

-:59: Fitz finds Donald Jones for the first down.

-:27: Donald Jones breaks up a potential game-ending INT. *whew*

-:18: Fitz finds Nelson, but he's short of the first down. Another fourth down coming...

-:14: DO YOU BELIEVE IN FITZ MAGIC?! David Nelson puts Buffalo back on top with a 6 yard TD. PAT makes it 38-35 BILLS.

- OKAY DEFENSE...

-:06: Campbell hits for 24 to the Raiders' 24, hopefully this is the last play of the game...

-:01: Campbell throws it out of bounds. One last play...

-:00: D'Anorris Searcy makes the pick on the Hail Mary. Waaaay too fucking close for comfort.

Preview: Bills VS Raiders

The Bills are relevant for at least one week after a surprising beat down of the Chiefs at Arrowhead last week, and will face another AFC West team, the Raiders, who managed to suck less than Denver and also come into the game 1-0.

Buffalo faces a similar test that they did last week: a strong running game, but a questionable quarterback. The Bills have some reasons for hope going into tomorrow's game, as Oakland is not a powerhouse by any means, they will be missing one of their top wide receivers, and West Coast teams traditionally do terribly when traveling across the country. Add in the fact that it's a home opener and this Bills team looks like they have something to prove (which is a refreshing change from the "whatever" attitude they've seemed to have for years), and it's looking good. The Bills seem to remember that they're probably not as good as last week may suggest, and that they have a lot of work to do.

I am worried about this game, because when it seems like there's a game the Bills should win, they either blow it, or let it get way too close for comfort. Oakland does have a strong running game, and while Buffalo did do OK against the run last week, they still gave up a couple big runs, and Kansas City was forced to abandon the run because they fell behind early. If the game stays close, Oakland will more than likely keep the ball on the ground, and if the run defense hasn't improved enough, that could spell trouble.

The early going will dictate how the game goes. If the Bills jump out quickly like they did last week, they could cruise to victory, as I don't think Oakland has the firepower through the air, especially since they no longer have Zach Miller. If the offense can't get going early, or if something goes wrong, then it could be a very close game that will hinge on one or two big plays, and those tend to not go Buffalo's way (although to be fair, they haven't gone Oakland's way too often recently either).

I am predicting a 30-17 Bills win, and there will be much rejoicing. They will be a sexy pick to surprise the league...

...until they get mauled by New England week three.

Live Bitching: Bills at Chiefs 9/11/11

Here we are, it's opening day, and my hopes haven't been completely 100% dashed yet. How long will it last? Hopefully longer than last year, when I was at the Bills VS Dolphins opener, and the crowd's enthusiasm lasted all the way until the Bills went three-and-out and punted after an awful opening posession.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Calling the game are former NFL QB Rick Ganon and MARV ALBERT! YES!

-15:00: Chiefs win the toss and opt to receive. First play goes Buffalo's way as they force a fumble, and recover it at the KC 26. NICE!

-14:53: Field is now covered in fog because of pre-game explosions. Pass for Parrish is incomplete, but KC gets called for pass interference.

-14:10: Jackson gets a couple good runs for a first down and put Buffalo first-and-goal.

-13:41: Fitz fumbles the snap, but manages to recover it, and get back to the line of scrimmage.

-12:14: Fitzpatrick hits TE Scott Chandler for a 4 yard TOUCHDOWN. Great start. Extra point makes it 7-0 BILLS.

-12:02: Bills immediately miss a tackle that turns a 3 yard gain into a 15 yard gain. Terrence McGee is shaken up. I will not grieve.

-11:32: First test for the run D, and KC picks up four on a toss sweep. Not great, but not bad either.

-11:08: Bills get a sack on 3rd-and-6 to force a punt. This is going too well this early.

-8:23: Stevie Johnson can't hold on to the pass on 3rd-and-9. This is what I'm afraid of. They have the momentum, but can't keep it. Hopefully the defense can make a big play to get it back.

-7:33: Bills force a three-and-out, Terrence McGee is done for the day, and the home crowd is booing the Chiefs already. This is going WAY too well to last.

-6:59: KC punter shanks his kick, giving the Bills good field position.

-6:17: Bills can't do anything with it, as Fitz's accuracy has been ass so far.

-5:47: ...and Shawne Merriman gets hurt. Of course he does.

-4:44: Bills force another three-and-out as Dwayne Bowe can't make a spectacular one-handed catch.

-2:57: Bills convert a 3rd-and-6 to keep the drive going. The offense REALLY needed that.

-1:38: Bills get a BIG 35 yard gain from Fitz to David Nelson. Come guys, make it a two score game.

-0:55: STEVIE JOHNSON IS YOUR DADDY! Great leaping catch for a 27 yard touchdown. Extra point makes it 14-0 BILLS.

-0:48: Jamaal Charles runs for 22. Do not let this great start slip away!

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:00: Bills get no pass rush on 3rd-and-4, and KC is driving.

-13:15: Leodis McKelvin loses Dwayne Bowe. KC is almost in the red zone.

-12:16: Bills appear to give up a TD, but it's overruled on replay. Good thing for the "every TD is reviewed" rule they added this year.

-12:09: Bills get a sack after no pass rush this drive to force a long FG attempt.

-11:38: Scott Chandler makes a great catch to put Buffalo in KC territory. Marv & Rich are stunned that the Bills are using a tight end effectively.

-10:00: Third-and-one, Buffalo HAS to get this...

-9:32: ...and they do.

-8:44: Scott Chandler...who knew?

-6:50: Bad throw by Fitz doesn't allow the Bills to convert on third down, but at least they're set for a short FG.

-6:46: Which Lindell makes to make it 17-0 BILLS.

-6:37: Bills allow a kickoff return, but only to the KC 18.

-6:27: Bills recover another fumble, this time by Jamaal Charles, setting them up at the KC 21.

-5:42: Bills can't do anything with it, have to settle for another FG try.

-5:38: Lindell FG makes it 20-0 BILLS.

-4:42: Bills give up a 3rd-and-9, I thought there was a false start.

-3:49: Bills give up a 23 yard run. DO NOT LET THEM GET BACK IN THE GAME DAMN IT!

-2:45: Here comes the Buffalo run defense that we know and hate. Grrrrrrrrr.

-1:46: Bills narrowly miss getting an INT, and Charles scores on a 6 yard pass from Cassel. PAT makes it 20-7 BILLS.

-1:41: Brad Smith takes the kickoff out of the end zone and only makes it to the BUF 14, then they're called for a false start. *sigh*

-0:35: Jackson somehow avoids getting stuffed on 3rd-and-1, allowing Buffalo to run out the clock.

THIRD QUARTER:

-15:00: Fitz finds David Nelson for a 17 yard gain. Good start.

-14:20: Jackson breaks 2 tackles to run for 14 and put Buffalo in KC territory.

-12:12: Fitz gets sacked on 3rd-and-7 to kill the drive. Not liking where this game is heading.

-10:20: Bills give up a first down on KC's first play, but nothing after. Short punt gives Bills good field position again. Hopefully they can take advantage of it.

-10:04: Fred Jackson breaks off a 24 yard run to get the Bills in scoring position.

-8:49: Jackson is ripping off big gains, Spiller is getting stuffed. Not looking good for CJ's future.

-7:18: Fitz finds Chandler again to make it first-and-goal at the KC 6.

-5:12: 3rd-and-goal inside the one...and another false start. Damn it.

-4:42: ...and then a delay of game. What. The. Fuck.

-4:19: Bills somehow redeem themselves as Fitz finds a WIDE FUCKING OPEN Scott Chandler a milisecond before he gets crushed. PAT makes it 27-7 BILLS.

-3:18: KC responds by trying a no-huddle offense, which results in them going 3-and-out...BUT FASTER! I am absolutely GIDDY right now.

-3:04: Roscoe Parrish with a great punt return...and no flags! This is really happening, isn't it?

-1:37: Fitz completes to Stevie Johnson on 3rd-and-11 to make it first-and-goal.

-0:14: Fitz connects with Donald Jones for his fourth TD. Kim Miller says "They better slow down, they're gonna use up all their TDs for the season at this rate". PAT makes it 34-7 BILLS.

-0:02: Chiefs give up hope, start trying the Madden "throw a bunch of long passes" offense. Drayton Florence drops an INT.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:25: Chiefs go for in on 4th-and-4, drawing Marell Darius offside to get it. He's going to KILL someone for that.

-14:01: LOL at KC trying play-action down 34-7, and Florence makes good on a second chance to get an INT. Point of comparison: Last season, the Bills' secondary did not record an INT until DECEMBER.

-13:11: Freddy Jackson breaks two tackles to run for 11. If there were more fans in the stands, the boos would be INCREDIBLE.

-11:50: Spiller the Thriller puts the icing on the cake with a 9 yard TD.  PAT makes it 41-7 BILLS.

-9:31: Bills force a three-and-out. Rich Ganon blames the crowd's reaction on the fumble on the opening kickoff, not everything that happened afterward.

-9:30: Arrowhead is fucking EMPTY. Tyler Thigpen comes in. You know you're having a bad game when BUFFALO puts their backup QB in more mop-up duty. Can't remember the last time it happened.

-5:30: Another three-and-out forced by the Bills. All I can do is enjoy this.

-4:33: Bills say "fuck it" and let Brad Smith throw a bomb. It gets picked, but I don't care.

-4:26: I'm bored, so I've written a song about this game. I call it "Kansas City, Kansas City".

You were division champs but,
Now you're slippin'.
Buffalo's opened a case of butt-whippin'

Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'

BUUUUUUUUUUUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!
BUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!
BUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's called "Kansas City, Kansas City".

-3:00: Rick & Marv get bored, and talk about Fitz wearing his wedding ring during games.

-2:10: Johnny White gets pasted, and the KC defender takes the time to celebrate. LOOK AT THE SCOREBOARD NUMB NUTS.

-2:00: Inappropriate thought: if an airplane crashed into Arrowhead right now, would it kill less people than 9/11 did? Including the two teams?

-:00: KC runs out the clock as Chiefs and Colts fans everywhere look for their cyanide tablets. Marv notes it's the second-worst home loss in KC HISTORY. Tremendous!

Wow, what an opening day. I had a suspicion Buffalo would have a shot today, but I didn't expect THIS. Well done everyone, and I can have hope for at least one more week.

Bills VS Chiefs thoughts

In the first post I made for this blog, I stated that the day before the NFL season starts is a lot like Christmas Eve, but that the Bills seasons have been like getting clothes instead of toys. I think I may have thought of a better comparison. Today is like the last day of summer vacation before school starts. You have your new clothes and school stuff, and are anticipating seeing friends you may not have seen in a while, and (some of) you are actually excited about going. Then, you're about a week in, and you remember why you spent the whole year last year waiting for summer vacation to start. You have to get up early, classes are boring, and you run into those assholes that you would rather throw a cinder block at than sit by.

The last few Bills seasons are like that time when you remember why you hated school. I haven't been particularly optimistic about the Bills chances since maybe 2006, and I'm not this year. I think they will be improved over last season, but they're still nowhere near the upper-echelon of the league, and who knows if any improvements that are made this year will carry over. They're still in a division with the Patriots, who have owned them since Brady took over as their QB, and now the Jets, who the Bills used to split with, are becoming a top team. At least Miami may suck worse than Buffalo, but I don't see a sweep there, so it's probably another season of going (at best) 1-5 in their own division, which kills any hope they may have. I think they have a shot at 5-6 wins this year.

When the Bills lose, they tend to do it one of two ways. The first, is that they're completely demolished after the opening coin flip. The offense does nothing, and the defense plays like ass (see: the last two games of last season), or, perhaps even worse, they stay with the opposition (which are usually better), but then one of two big plays go against them, and they can't win (see: 3 OT losses last year, playing the Patriots tough in New England).

I think the Bills have a chance tomorrow. I don't think Kansas City is going to be any good this year. I'm not sold on Matt Cassel, and they seem to be in the perfect position to be the new Miami Dolphins, who came out of nowhere after a 1-15 season to win the division, then haven't done jack shit since. I would feel a lot better if the game were in Buffalo though. Either the Bills will somehow hold on in a really close game (missing several chances to put the game away earlier than the very end, which is their usual win), or they'll lose in one of their two usual ways.

Of course, I thought they'd beat Miami in last year's season opener, but then Trent Fucking Edwards had to sink his career.

My prediction: The Bills improved run defense will be helpful, and they may not give up much through the air (I don't like the Bills' secondary, they've had it easy the last couple years since the run defense was so terrible, but I don't think Matt Cassel is good enough to light them up), and if they don't let the game get away from them early, they'll squeak out a win, possibly with KC missing a chance to tie/win at the very end.

Bills 17, Chiefs 14

Tecmo Super Bowl Predicts: Saints VS Packers

Since I'm too big of a wuss to make my own predictions (at least at this point, since you can't know much going into opening week), I am going to let Tecmo Super Bowl make my predictions for me.

I used the Tecmo 20th Anniversary ROM from TecmoBowl.Org and had the computer simulate the game. I quickly made the video in Windows Live Movie Maker, because I'm lazy and too cheap to buy any kind of editing software.

DVR Bitching: Bills VS Broncos 8/20/11

Didn't do live bitching like last week, as I was attending a wedding, and not watching the Bills lose. The final has been spoiled for me, so now I'm just seeing how exactly they got there.

FIRST QUARTER:

13:30: Bills go three-and-out, getting stuffed on 3rd-and-1.

12:50: Bills fake the punt and get the first down, directly snapping the ball to Brad Smith. It's easy to make calls like that when the game doesn't count.

12:00: Spiller breaks a nice run. Tasker notes that the Bills' offensive line was "a little suspect" last season. That's like saying Joe Namath was "a little drunk" when he tried to make out with Suzy Kolber on national TV.

10:05: Tight end screen nets nine, and the tight end Eddie Chandler ends up with a Bronco sitting on his head. I wonder if the defender farted, just to be a dick.

9:28: Note to Stevie Johnson, nothing says "I was holding" like throwing up your hands after releasing a block, even if you weren't.

8:49: Fitzpatrick underthrows on a fade to the end zone. Fitz has shit for accuracy on long balls, which is why he'll never be a top quarterback.

8:39: Lindell boots a 40 yard field goal to make it 3-0 BILLS.

6:58: Bills stop a Broncos' run for minimal gain. I'm always amazed when they stop a run for less than 5 yards.

6:25: Marcell Dareus gets his second sack of the pre-season. He has already done more for the team than Aaron Maybin ever did.

5:48: Bills can't come close to covering Eddie Royal on 3rd and 14...despite having 12 men on the field. Fortunately, Denver was also flagged for illegal formation.

5:13: I love it when a punt returner runs up and acts like he's going to fair catch it so the coverage team stops charging him...only for the ball to land 10 yards behind everyone and bounce into the end zone for a touchback. Always funny.

5:06: Fitz almost gets Stevie Johnson killed with a high throw. Better gets used to that Stevie. I hope your life insurance is paid up.

4:20: Bills go three-and-out. I don't expect another fake. I wonder if someone told the #1 offense that they would be going back out for another drive, and that just because they got a field goal they don't get a trophy and get to leave for ice cream.

3:01: Nick Barnett gets a video package and put over by the announcers, and then he promptly overpersues a screen play, allowing a short gain to turn into a 15 yard gain.

2:39: Barnett redeems himself by deflecting a pass to prevent a long completion.

2:25: Willis McGahee runs for a short gain. Because he's not in a Bills uniform, he doesn't limp off the field.

1:24: Terrence McGee allows a 14 yard completion to Brandon Lloyd. I FUCKING HATE YOU TERRENCE MCGEE.

:00: Bills stuff a run play, but allow a big gain on a screen to set Denver up first-and-goal to start the second quarter.

SECOND QUARTER:

14:48: Kyle Williams blows up the first down run, but his decision to give McGahee a hug rather than tackle him allows Willis to get back to the line of scrimmage.

14:21: McGahee scores, Denver adds the extra point. 7-3 BRONCOS

13:53: Spiller gets ganged up on even after the refs blow the whistle. Spiller loses his helmet, but no flag is thrown.

13:11: Fred Jackson converts on 3rd-and-2. Fitzpatrick needs to yell "hey what's that?" and point at the stands right before the snap more often.

11:12: Bills fail to convert a 3rd-and-8 as the commentators talk about the NFL being a "one cut league" (in reference to the defenders being too fast for the offensive players to change directions more than once while running with the ball). This is true, as you have to wait until you retire to make more than one cut. Ask O.J. Simpson.

8:11: The Broncos are moving down the field and run an end-around. Ray Bentley still doesn't know what a "reverse" is.

7:30: Drayton Florence gets burned for a 15 yard gain. Florence is good for the occaisional big play, but gives up too many gains, and too many pass interference penalties.

6:22: Bills give up another touchdown. At this rate, I won't have to work hard not to jinx the Bills defense by saying anything nice about them. 14-3 BRONCOS

5:20: Bills get the benefit of an extremely weak roughing the passer call. Tough guys everywhere bitch and moan about how it was legal to decapitate the QB and eat his brains on the field back in the day.

4:10: CJ Spiller forgets where he's supposed to go and loses 10 yards. *sigh*

3:48: Donald Jones gets KO'd after Denver player leads with his helmet. Bills and Broncos almost get into a fight. Crowd boos the penalty call because they're idiots.

2:07: Marcus Easly drops an easy completion, leading to the ball being batted around and intercepted. Even with 30 free yards, the starting offense still can't score a TD.

:00: Bills allow The Corageous Brady Quinn to pass Denver into scoring position, but TERRENCE FUCKING MCGEE gets an INT in the end zone off a deflected pass. I still hate Terrence McGee.

THIRD QUARTER:

9:18: Scrubs let Quinn move the ball down the field again. They do force Denver to settle for a 48 yard field goal. 17-3 BRONCOS

Tyler Thigpen is in the game. As if things couldn't get any worse.

9:13: Perhaps sensing what is coming, RB Johnny White gets slammed by former Bills player Mario Hagan and plays dead, rather than risk being out there with Thigpen throwing the ball. (Yes, I know White was legitimately injured.)

8:18: Namaan Roosevelt makes a nice catch. Bentley: "...and Roosevelt can't hang on to it."

8:00: Another dropped pass leads to another punt.

6:30: Bills force a punt, but take an illegal block penalty to push themselves back 10 yards. I just noticed that the Denver PA systems plays the Law & Order "DONG DONG" noise whenever there's a flag. Tremendous.

5:10: Stop me if you've heard this one. Dropped pass leads to a punt.

4:49: Bills' D lineman Terell Troup can't make a sack because he can't grasp the jersey with a cast on his hand (or club the QB over the head with his cast).

2:20: Brady Quinn throws a TD pass. Extra point makes it 24-3 BRONCOS. Denver fans cheer, but I wonder how many were pissed because it wasn't Touchdown Jesus.

2:14: Roosevelt drops another pass. I didn't know the high altitude made footballs uncatchable.

2:09: Bills run a quick tight end screen for 5 yards...and SOMEONE CAUGHT THE BALL!

:00: Bills offense actually starts moving the ball as the quarter ends. I can't wait for this to be over.

FOURTH QUARTER:

15:00: Stats show Denver has twice as many first downs and almost triple the yards. That tells you all you need to know.

10:59: The Bills reach uncharted territory...THE END ZONE! Chan Gaily checks his map and reassures the team that it's not where ships get lost, never to be seen again, its where they need to go to score six point. Extra point makes it 24-10 BRONCOS.

10:58: Touchdown Jesus Tim Tebow comes onto the field. He must be THRILLED that he went from probable starter to third-stringer in two weeks.

8:59: Broncos take a delay-of-game penalty. Even the Bills announcers make excuses for TD Jesus.

8:54: Bills get a sack to force a punt as Tebow ANGRILY undoes his chin straps. Someone is so getting smoted.

6:13: Bills are moving down the field, and are inside the Denver 20. How did the screw this up?

4:11: ANSWER: They go for it on 4th down, and miss on a well-defended play in the end zone.

2:12: Tebow does the one play he runs well with consistancy: fake like he's going to throw the ball, then run like hell.

2:00: The Bills "try to get as many reps for Brad Smith at QB" (says Bentley), in the most Bills-ian way possible: running a two minute drill with no timeouts.

:42: Smith runs for a big gain into Denver territory. Queue the calls for Smith to be second-string...and I can't say I'd disagree.

:07: Bills' receiver very clearly gets out of bounds, but the ref says "fuck that, I'm ready for bed" and keeps the clock running to end the game.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Not a good performance on either side. The run defense still looks pretty good, but the pass defense was awful. The starting offense again got a field goal early, but this time had two more drives, and couldn't do anything.

See you next week whenever the tape-delay airing of Jaguars at Bills is on.

Live Bitching: Bills VS Bears 8/13/11

Generally, the beginning of football season is like Christmas. It's still the case this year, but it's like that year your parents only got you clothes, FUCK THIS CLOTHES SHIT I WANT SOME TOYS!

FIRST QUARTER

15:00: I really hate the charging Buffalo logo against a white helmet. It's ugly. At least the jerseys look nicer than before.

12:45: Bills try a WR screen on 2nd-and-13, it gets almost nothing. Just like everytime they tried it last season. Announcers talk like Lee Evans is a big loss when he'll do the same thing for the Bills while he's in Baltimore that he did last year...jack shit. How many times did the guy disappear against decent secendaries, sometimes even really shitty secondaries?

12:09: Ryan Fitzpatrick throws it to...no one in particular. Bills punt, announcers blame it on the tight end. The Bills have not had a good tight end since Jay Riemersma, who left in the late-90's. They have not made the playoffs since the 98-99 season. I'm sure it's a coincidence.

11:51: The Bears run for a short gain. The play-by-play guy is another in a long line of guys that don't realize that for a play to be a "reverse", you actually have to go in one direction, then REVERSE the ball in the other direction.

10:26: Bills get pressure on Cutler and good coverage, and Cutler runs for a first down because Terrence McGee fell on his ass. I FUCKING HATE YOU MCGEE.

7:59: Bills' defense actually looks good. Shutting down the run, then Shawne Merriman runs Cutler right into their #1 draft pick Darcell Darieus for the sack. Merriman must be back on the 'roids.

7:43: Fred Jackson gives Charles Tillman a huge stiff-arm and runs for a first down. I love Freddy. Too bad he wasted a few years in NFL Europe and minor-league arena football.

6:38: Spiller with a decent run. PBP guy says Spiller is looking to avoid a "Sophmore Slump". Doesn't that apply to people who had a GOOD first year? Make that the second term this guy doesn't know.

4:09: Fitz tries a longer pass to Donald Jones, who delivers a push-off so obvious, it made Randy Moss say "damn, that was pretty obvious...why won't someone sign me?". Steve Tasker is a homer. He never does this on CBS broadcasts.

2:00: Lindell drills a 44 yard field goal. I am pleasently surprised by the performance of the starters so far. I expect at least one of the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle sportswriters to completely overreact to it. 3-0 BILLS

1:50: Special teams promptly give up a long kickoff return. I expect things like this (Bills look good, then one bad play ruin everything) to happen more than once this season.

1:09: Merriman sacks the Bears' backsup QB. To my surprise, he does not injure himself doing his "Lights Out" dance.

:33: Merriman gets another sack to knck Chicago out of field goal range. He is DEFINITELY back on the juice. I really am hoping against hope that this isn't the best they'll look this year.

SECOND QUARTER:

Fitz's line: 7-9, 44 yards. Not bad, considering his incompletions were a drop and mix-up.

12:30: 2nd-stringers don't do much. Tyler Thigpen underthrows on one play, then overthrows on the next.

11:03: Bills' starting D still out there for the most part, and they return to form and start giving up big chunks of yardage on the ground.

8:07: Defense gives up a touchdown after allowing more big gains on the ground, and the quarterback to scramble for the TD. I am never saying anything nice about the defense again. 7-3 BEARS

7:58: Bills get lucky as they fumble away the kickoff, but there's an illegal formation call against Chicago that wipes it out.

5:59: Second team offense is starting to move the ball, after getting a very generous spot on a 3rd down quarterback scramble. Brad Smith gets a 14 yard run to the Chicago 49.

4:37: WR Craig Davis drops a slant. If I were the guy in charge of music at the stadium, I would have the Price is Right FAIL music queued up for whenever the road team does that.

2:00: Bills' drive stalls thanks in large to a holding penalty that wiped out a first down at the Chicago 24. Damn it, the shitty PBP guy is former Bill Ray Bentley. I used to like him. :-(

1:38: Bills defense tips a pass at the line to force an incompletion to a wide open receiver. Bryan Scott looked to be about 10 yards away from the receiver who ran a 10 yard route. He must be taking lessons from Terrence McGee.

1:23: Bills defense gets another sack and force a throw-away to get the ball back for a 2nd team offense that won't do anything with it.

1:13: The Bears' punter's name is Papashon. I just had a vision of Papa Shongo punthing the ball, then lighting the returner's shoes on fire.

1:00: Two really bad incompletions and a sack. If/when Fitz goes down, the offense is more fucked than usual.

:04: Bears try a 56 yard field goal. Bills have enough time to either take a knee or for Thigpen to get sacked again.

:00: They opt for a kneel down. Tyler Thigpen somehow underthrows Naaman Roosevelt on the play.

THIRD QUARTER:

12:27: 2nd string defense gives up about 30 yards on a 3rd-and-16 screen pass. *sigh*

10:35 Bears convert another 3rd-and-long. I know the backups want to get reps in preseason games, but this isn't the way to get them.

10:01: Terell Troup has a huge cast on his broken hand. I really want him to go Cowboy Bob on someone tonight.

9:30: Bills get another sack after a holding penalty to kill another Chicago drive. Chicago really needs a new offensive line coach. Someone is going to end up getting driven into the ground like VanDriesen in "Tired".

8:40: One of the Bills' receivers gets JACKED UP and the ball flies about 10 yards in the air. Will probably be the most exciting play of the half.

6:45: Bills' draft pick from last year, and the first Chinese player ever draft Ed Wang is out there. Dick joke.

4:00: Holy fuck this game is boring. Somewhere Brian Brohm is watching Levi Brown and saying "I couldn't beat out THAT guy?"

:50: Bears look like they're going to score, but Bills DB Aaron Williams makes a nice interception. There's a flag on the play, and to the shock of everyone's it's not on Buffalo.

:45: Some guy named Josh Nesbitt is in at QB for the Bills now. He ran the option in college, and Bentley described him as a "wildcat quarterback". First two plays he doesn't even try to throw, just says "fuck that" and runs. So Ray at least knows one term.

FOURTH QUARTER:

14:44: Nesbitt wears #7 and runs better than he throws. I really hope he doesn't have any pitbulls.

8:05: Tasker and Bentley talking about a play that's simple, but not easy to run, reminds me of Beavis & Butt-Head seeing Michaelangelo's David at an art museum: "It's hard...but it's like, not hard..." Bears going on a long-ass drive to that at least keeps the clock moving.

5:53: Robbie Gould makes a 45 yard field goal. If by some miracle the Bills score a touchdown, they damned well better go for two. 10-3 BEARS

5:29: Brown throws an INT. The crowd that's there roars in appreciation of something actually happening.

1:46: Bills get their 9th sack of the night to prevent a Bears' TD.

1:41 Gould misses from 33. So the final will be 10-3.

:00: Bills try to drive 76 yards in 1:41 with no timeouts by throwing a bunch of 8 yard passes. Shockingly, this ends with Levi Brown spiking the ball with no time left.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Again, I was pleasantly surprised by the starting defense when everyone was in there. The starting offense could have done better (or maybe not), but I was OK with their performance.

The backups on offense, particularly the quarterbacks, are brutal. Buffalo is fucked when the inevitable offensive line injuries combine with a Fitzpatrick injury.