Live Bitching: Patriots at Bills 9/25/11

The whole week has seen NFL analysts saying that the Bills have a shot to win today. The only person I've seen actually pick them to win is Bill Cowher. These Bills-Patriots games are usually like three hour Jigsaw traps for me, and I'm not expecting much to change today.

On the plus side, MARV ALBERT (YES!) is doing play-by-play for the game. I've always loved that girlfriend-biting bastard.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Bills win the toss, but defer. Hopefully this works out like it did last week.

-9:45: So it begins: Brady finds Welker for a 14 yard TD. Bills had no answer for the Pats passing game on this drive, Welker in particular. PAT makes it 7-0 PATRIOTS.

-9:37: Fitz opens up by finding Stevie Johnson for a 33 yard gain to the Patriots 47. Good start.

-8:46: ...so of course the next pass is tipped, then intercepted. Patriots start at the Buffalo 35. FUCK.

-7:55: Two passes to Welker get the Pats to the Buffalo 6.

-7:12: Hey! Buffalo forced an incompletion!

-7:03: Bills force Brady to scramble to the 1...but then get called for defensive holding, giving them another first down. Refs miss a Buffalo lineman getting held, of course.

-6:01: Brady hits Gronkoswki for a TD on second down. PAT makes it 14-0 PATRIOTS. I don't drink, and currently couldn't if I wanted to...and I may want to before this game is over. Hell, I may want to before this HALF is over.

-3:22: Bills convert a HUGE 3rd-and-8 with a 14 yard gain to Stevie.

-1:25: Bills look close to converting on 3rd down...but Erik Wood gets called for a chop block. MOTHER FUCKER.

-:14: Bills go for it on 4th-and-14, and Fitz is intercepted again.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:51: BILLS FORCE A PUNT! BILLS FORCE A PUNT!

-12:58: Stevie catches a pass, but then tries to turn, and gets dropped a yard behind the line.

-11:07: Patriots get a long pass to Gronkowski called back for illegal hands to the face. Something finally goes right for Buffalo.

-10:47: BILLS FORCE A PUNT! BILLS FORCE A PUNT!

-9:58: Freddy breakes a couple takes to run for 11 and wake up the crowd.

-9:27: Wood gets called for holding. *sigh*

-9:04: Freddy trips over his own two feet coming out of the backfield for a pass.

-8:16: Bills try a fancy screen pass and lose yards on 3rd-and-12.

-6:24: Bills only rush three and 3rd-and-9, and give up 21.

-6:01: Brady-to-Gronkowski TD. PAT makes it 21-0 PATRIOTS.

-5:57: Spiller takes the kick 8 yards out of the end zone, and gets stuffed at the 16...and of course, there's a block in the back to make it worse.

-5:13: Freddy runs for 22. They'll find some way to fuck this up.

-4:29: There it is. Fitz scrambles for a first down, but Scott Chandler gets called for holding.

-3:54: Fitz finds David Nelson for a nice gain, then New England gets called for a helmet-to-helmet hit on Fitz, giving Buffalo a first down.

-2:47: Nelson makes it to the Patriots' 15 yard line on a nice catch-and-run.

-1:56: Bills finally get on the board with a nice pass to Stevie. PAT makes it 21-7 PATRIOTS.

-1:45: Patriots run a screen (surprised it took this long) for 12, then Nick Barnett doesn't hear the whistle and bodyslams Danny Woodhead, drawing a personal foul.

-1:09: ...and Jarius Byrd leads with his helmet while tackling Welker.

-1:05: Bills get a lucky break as a deflected pass is intercepted by Byron Scott deep in Buffalo territory to prevent another New England score.

-:24: Screen to Freddy gains 28. Bills might have a chance to get some points before halftime.

-:14: Fitz throws a bad pass to Jones, which could have gotten them into the red zone.

-:08: Fitz hits Stevie for an 8 yard gain to set up a 42 yard field goal attempt...

-:03: ...which he hits to make it 21-10 PATRIOTS.

THIRD QUARTER:

-13:37: Bills go three-and-out. They needed something on that drive. :-(

-13:16: INTERCEPTION! Leodis McKelvin makes a nice play against OchoCinco and returns the ball to the NE 40. :-)

-11:30: Bills convert a huge 3rd-and-4.

-11:01: Freddy breaks tackles and makes it first-and-goal at the NE 6.

-9:34: SCOTT CHANDLER is left wide open for the TD on 3rd down, and WE HAVE OURSELVES A BALL GAME IN BUFFALO! PAT makes it 21-17 PATRIOTS.

-4:51: Bills defense bends, but does not break, allowing a 23 yard field goal to make it 24-17 PATRIOTS.

-4:45: Fitz misses a WIDE OPEN Donald Jones. Damn it, they needed that.

-4:33: Bills go three-and-out. :-(

-2:30: 3rd-and-7, crowd is into it...and Buffalo gives up 23 to Welker. McKelvin accidentally gives rookie CB Aaron Williams a boom drop to the back of the neck. Hopefully it's not serious.

-:00 Patriots are driving, but a holding penalty makes it 2nd-and-11. Like it matters.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:51: Bills actually get another stop, forcing two straight incompletions. Nice play by Byrd to swat away the pass on 3rd-and-11.

-13:18: Bills go three-and-out again deep in their own end. They are quickly running out of chances here.

-11:27: When things look their bleakest, George Wilson comes up with an interception to keep the Bills in the game. Of course, there's an illegal block penalty on the return, but that INT was HUGE.

-11:24: Pats hand the Bills a first down with a personal foul.

-10:56: Fitz finds Donald Jones for a monster gain to the New England 32.

-10:39: Fitz throws a pick, but it's because Donald Jones was interfered with in the end zone. Ball is placed at the 1.

-10:36: FREDDY pounds it in from there. PAT makes it a 24-24 TIE.

-10:22: DRAYTON FLORENCE! PICK SIX! BILLS TAKE THE LEAD! PAT makes it 31-24 BILLS.

-8:12: Ochocinco drops a sure TD on 3rd down. Oh man...

-8:00: ...Pats convert on 4th-and-4 though.

-6:10: Welker kills them again with a big gain on 3rd-and-6.

-3:25: Pats convert on 4th-and-goal from the 6, as Brady finds Welker again for the TD. PAT makes it a 31-31 TIE.

-3:16: Big play as Fitz hits a diving Donald Jones for 29 to near-midfield.

-2:35: Screen to Freddy gets the ball to the New England 39. Bills start taking their time.

-1:43: FREDDY goes for a big gain and looks to score a TD. Replays show he's down just short, which is actually better at this point, as long as Buffalo scores.

-1:00: Bills run the clock down rather than try to score right away. Fitz almost loses the ball on one of the plays, but the Pats are called for a personal foul, which gives Buffalo a first down and another play to run out the clock.

-:03: Lindell comes in for the chip shot to win it...

-:00: BILLS WIN! BILLS WIN! BILLS WIN! 34-31 BILLS win!

-HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK THE BILLS WON! PENNYWISE IS DEAD!

-FUCK YOU, YOU GIANT SPIDER FUCK!

Bills VS Patriots Preview

I feel like Mike Hanlon, and I just found Georgie Denbrough's picture next to the mutilated corpse of a little girl.

The Bills are off to a nice 2-0 start. They're starting to erase the memories of last year's awful season, and maybe move forward from the last decade-plus of futility.

And here come the fucking Patriots to ruin everything.

The Bills have lost to the Pats 15 straight times, since their only win against New England in the Tom Brady era, a glorious 31-0 mudhole stomping on opening day 2003.

I am holding out hope that the Bills improved offense, and New England's less than impressive defense will help keep Buffalo in the game. However, that may not be enough, as Tom Brady has thrown for over 500 and over 400 yards in his first two games, and last week the Bills made Jason Campbell and his corps of backup wide receivers look like the 1980s 49ers.

I am hoping, like Hanlon did, that he's wrong. That the nightmare from his past is not returning, but the fact is, he knows that IT is eating children again, just like I know that the Pats are going to eat Buffalo's lunch...again.

I hate to do it, but my predicition is 42-24 New England, as Buffalo either falls behind right away, or stays in the game for a bit, before committing some costly errors to put them too far behind.

I miss the good old days when New England still had Pat Patriot on their helmet, and Kelly's boys would demolish them on a regular basis.

Maybe Brady will tear another ligament...

Live Bitching: Raiders at Bills 9/18/11

Let's see, the Raiders are a West Coast team traveling cross-country. They're missing a lot of their starting WR corps, and their starting tight end. Their QB is Jason Campbell.

If I were a fan of any team other than the Bills, I would be completely confident in a win.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Bills win the toss, but defer.

-15:00: Opening kickoff goes out of the end zone. I like the new blue end zones at the Ralph.

-14:52: Raiders try to fool Buffalo with play action on first down. Campbell has all day to throw, but ends up having to throw it away with a Bills player clinging to his ankles.

-14:43: Raiders throw again, and Bills almost get a pick from McKelvin. Raiders WR comesdown with the ball, but they gain nothing.

-13:56: Raiders run a screen, but Buffalo manages to stop it short of the first down, and the Raiders have to punt.

-13:22: Bills get called for an illegal block in the back on the punt return, which pins them back to their own 16.

-12:30: Bills offense goes three-and-out in return, with one run being stuffed, and two incompletions.

-10:18: Raiders get a first down, but Drayton Florence is close to getting a pick six on first down.

-9:27: Campbell gets belted and the Bills force a punt.

-9:19: Parrish fair-catches the punt at the Buffalo 14. Offense better do something before the field position gets switched too far in Oakland's favor.

-8:32: Fred Jackson pops a 34 yard run to midfield. NO FLAGS! :-)

-6:37: Bills convert a third-and-five and they're on the move.

-6:01: ...so of course they got a crack back block, which is a 15 yard penalty. *sigh*

-4:39: Bills try a trick play on 3rd-and-23, but Brad Smith doesn't pull the trigger on a throw, and they lose 7 yards.

-2:30: Bills are starting to let McFadden run. This is not good.

-1:11: Bills let McFadden gain 4 on 4th-and-inches. Damn it.

-0:00: Big 3rd-and-3 coming up on the first play of the second quarter. Bills need a stop here.

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:51: ...and they give up 20 when McKelvin gets beat by a rookie WR.

-13:00: Bills give up another 3rd down conversion and Oakland has it first-and-goal at the 1.

-11:33: Michael Bush takes it in from the 1 on third down. PAT makes it 7-0 RAIDERS.

-10:40: Fitz is picked off on 3rd-and-10, Raiders get the ball at the Buffalo 34. This is NOT GOOD.

-8:10: Bills can't tackled, and McFadden scores from 4 yards out. PAT makes it 14-0 RAIDERS. Damn it guys, I expected you to crush everyone's hope NEXT week.

-7:19: Bills get a couple quick throws to get into Raider territory. This is more like it.

-4:07: Bills get in the red zone after a Brad Smith wildcat run. Keep it going fuckers.

-2:35: Bills face a fourth-and-inches, and Chan Gailey wimps out, opting for a FG, which makes it 14-3 RAIDERS. Did Dick Jauron come back?

-2:00: Bills give up 16 yards on a screen to kill any chances they have of getting something before halftime.

-1:51: McKelvin gets burned for a 42 yard pass. As awesome as last week was, this week is sucking.

-1:28: Bills give up a big run to Michael Bush, who gets inside the one. I hate football.

-1:22: Campbell sneaks it in for the TD. PAT makes it 21-3 RAIDERS. GODDAMNITSOMUCH

-1:09: Stevie looks to make a big catch, but gets laid out for an incompletion. Bills get lucky as Oakland is called for a helmet-to-helmet hit.

-:09: Bills make a couple throws...but in the middle of the field, which kills the clock.

-:04: Fitz with a bad throw to Stevie, but clock may have run out if he caught it.

-:00: Lindell misses from 39. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

THIRD QUARTER:

-14:54: Fitz goes long, and Stevie draws a pass interference call to start the second half off right.

-14:44: Fitz scramble to mid-field. Now they just have to not fuck this up.

-13:26: FREDDY finally gives me something to cheer for with a 43 yard TD run. PAT makes it 21-10 RAIDERS.

-13:22: Bills get a good special teams tackle to pin Oakland at their own 14. Defense needs to make a play to keep the momentum going.

-12:38: Rookie Aaron Williams allows a 10 yard catch on 3rd-and-9 with Buffalo in Campbell's face. That was their chance to really get back in the game.

-10:39: Bills give up another 3rd down conversion. WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?

-8:31: Raiders fake out EVERYONE including the camerman on 3rd and 1. :-(

-7:09: Defense FINALLY makes a play as McFadden loses the ball, and Buffalo falls on it at their own 43.

-5:40: Smith gets 11 to move Buffalo to the Oakland 25. I am liking the way this is going...

-5:03: Screen pass to Spiller gets Buffalo first-and-goal to the Oakland 7.

-3:42: Fitz finds Stevie on 3rd-and-goal for the TD. PAT makes it 21-17 RAIDERS. Where was this in the first half?

-3:38: Bills again stuff Raiders kick returner deep in their own end. Raiders will start from their 14. COME ON DEFENSE!

-3:29: Raiders try to turn the tide with a bomb, but it misses.

-3:23: Bills stop McFadden for a 2 yd run HUGE 3rd down coming...

-2:41: Bills force an incompletion. YES! YES! A MILLION TIMES YES!

-1:30: Fitz is finding Stevie, and the Bills are on the move again.

-:55: FREDDY runs for 29 to the Raiders 16. Buffalo has matched their first half yardage in this quarter.

-:06: Pass interference call is reneged. Fitz gets sacked, but there's an illegal contact call that gives Buffalo first-and-10 at the Oakland 11.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:48: SCOTT CHANDLER gets inside the one. First-and-goal...

-14:10: FREDDY pounds it in on second effort. Raiders challenge when it's automatically reviewed...and that is apparently a 15 yard penalty. PAT makes it 24-21 BILLS.

-Kickoff goes out of the end zone (obviously). I am trying really hard not to jinx this game right now.

-13:34: Bills give up a first down on the Raiders' first play, but then a holding call pushes Oakland back.

-13:06: Bills give up a 25 yard pass play to give up a first-and-20. Uggggghhhhhh...

-11:41: Raiders WR Darren Hagan is KILLING Buffalo right now.

-10:58: Raiders run a double-reverse for 25 yards to the Buffalo 18. There goes that momentum.

-9:18: Campbell finds McFadden for a 12 yard catch-and-run TD. PAT makes it 28-24 RAIDERS.

-9:11: Announcer scares the shit out of me by saying Tyler Thigpen is in. He's wrong, thankfully.

-8:38: Spiller the Thriller runs for 29 to the Raiders 39.

-6:47: Fitz finds Stevie for a 17 yard gain to the Raider 8. Comeoncomeoncomeon...

-5:31: Fitz misfires on 3rd-and-goal, but Buffalo is bailed out by a defensive holding call.

-4:49: Fitz hits SCOTT CHANDLER for a 6 yd TD to regain the lead. PAT makes it 31-28 BILLS.

-4:44: Raiders kick returner helps the Bills out a lot by falling down, then getting pinned at the Raiders' 12.

-4:35: Bills' shitty tackling turns a 7 yard loss into a 13 yard gain.

-3:50: George Wilson is not even CLOSE to the receivers he's "covering".

-3:41: Raiders' receiver beats two Bills defenders for a 50 yard TD. *sigh* PAT makes it 35-31 RAIDERS.

-2:28: Bills are slowly moving into Raiders' territory. Best case scenario is a TD with almost no time left.

-1:45: Jackson turns no gain into an 11 yard gain on a screen.

-1:03: Bills face a 4th-and-3, this is it...

-:59: Fitz finds Donald Jones for the first down.

-:27: Donald Jones breaks up a potential game-ending INT. *whew*

-:18: Fitz finds Nelson, but he's short of the first down. Another fourth down coming...

-:14: DO YOU BELIEVE IN FITZ MAGIC?! David Nelson puts Buffalo back on top with a 6 yard TD. PAT makes it 38-35 BILLS.

- OKAY DEFENSE...

-:06: Campbell hits for 24 to the Raiders' 24, hopefully this is the last play of the game...

-:01: Campbell throws it out of bounds. One last play...

-:00: D'Anorris Searcy makes the pick on the Hail Mary. Waaaay too fucking close for comfort.

Preview: Bills VS Raiders

The Bills are relevant for at least one week after a surprising beat down of the Chiefs at Arrowhead last week, and will face another AFC West team, the Raiders, who managed to suck less than Denver and also come into the game 1-0.

Buffalo faces a similar test that they did last week: a strong running game, but a questionable quarterback. The Bills have some reasons for hope going into tomorrow's game, as Oakland is not a powerhouse by any means, they will be missing one of their top wide receivers, and West Coast teams traditionally do terribly when traveling across the country. Add in the fact that it's a home opener and this Bills team looks like they have something to prove (which is a refreshing change from the "whatever" attitude they've seemed to have for years), and it's looking good. The Bills seem to remember that they're probably not as good as last week may suggest, and that they have a lot of work to do.

I am worried about this game, because when it seems like there's a game the Bills should win, they either blow it, or let it get way too close for comfort. Oakland does have a strong running game, and while Buffalo did do OK against the run last week, they still gave up a couple big runs, and Kansas City was forced to abandon the run because they fell behind early. If the game stays close, Oakland will more than likely keep the ball on the ground, and if the run defense hasn't improved enough, that could spell trouble.

The early going will dictate how the game goes. If the Bills jump out quickly like they did last week, they could cruise to victory, as I don't think Oakland has the firepower through the air, especially since they no longer have Zach Miller. If the offense can't get going early, or if something goes wrong, then it could be a very close game that will hinge on one or two big plays, and those tend to not go Buffalo's way (although to be fair, they haven't gone Oakland's way too often recently either).

I am predicting a 30-17 Bills win, and there will be much rejoicing. They will be a sexy pick to surprise the league...

...until they get mauled by New England week three.

Live Bitching: Bills at Chiefs 9/11/11

Here we are, it's opening day, and my hopes haven't been completely 100% dashed yet. How long will it last? Hopefully longer than last year, when I was at the Bills VS Dolphins opener, and the crowd's enthusiasm lasted all the way until the Bills went three-and-out and punted after an awful opening posession.

FIRST QUARTER:

-Calling the game are former NFL QB Rick Ganon and MARV ALBERT! YES!

-15:00: Chiefs win the toss and opt to receive. First play goes Buffalo's way as they force a fumble, and recover it at the KC 26. NICE!

-14:53: Field is now covered in fog because of pre-game explosions. Pass for Parrish is incomplete, but KC gets called for pass interference.

-14:10: Jackson gets a couple good runs for a first down and put Buffalo first-and-goal.

-13:41: Fitz fumbles the snap, but manages to recover it, and get back to the line of scrimmage.

-12:14: Fitzpatrick hits TE Scott Chandler for a 4 yard TOUCHDOWN. Great start. Extra point makes it 7-0 BILLS.

-12:02: Bills immediately miss a tackle that turns a 3 yard gain into a 15 yard gain. Terrence McGee is shaken up. I will not grieve.

-11:32: First test for the run D, and KC picks up four on a toss sweep. Not great, but not bad either.

-11:08: Bills get a sack on 3rd-and-6 to force a punt. This is going too well this early.

-8:23: Stevie Johnson can't hold on to the pass on 3rd-and-9. This is what I'm afraid of. They have the momentum, but can't keep it. Hopefully the defense can make a big play to get it back.

-7:33: Bills force a three-and-out, Terrence McGee is done for the day, and the home crowd is booing the Chiefs already. This is going WAY too well to last.

-6:59: KC punter shanks his kick, giving the Bills good field position.

-6:17: Bills can't do anything with it, as Fitz's accuracy has been ass so far.

-5:47: ...and Shawne Merriman gets hurt. Of course he does.

-4:44: Bills force another three-and-out as Dwayne Bowe can't make a spectacular one-handed catch.

-2:57: Bills convert a 3rd-and-6 to keep the drive going. The offense REALLY needed that.

-1:38: Bills get a BIG 35 yard gain from Fitz to David Nelson. Come guys, make it a two score game.

-0:55: STEVIE JOHNSON IS YOUR DADDY! Great leaping catch for a 27 yard touchdown. Extra point makes it 14-0 BILLS.

-0:48: Jamaal Charles runs for 22. Do not let this great start slip away!

SECOND QUARTER:

-14:00: Bills get no pass rush on 3rd-and-4, and KC is driving.

-13:15: Leodis McKelvin loses Dwayne Bowe. KC is almost in the red zone.

-12:16: Bills appear to give up a TD, but it's overruled on replay. Good thing for the "every TD is reviewed" rule they added this year.

-12:09: Bills get a sack after no pass rush this drive to force a long FG attempt.

-11:38: Scott Chandler makes a great catch to put Buffalo in KC territory. Marv & Rich are stunned that the Bills are using a tight end effectively.

-10:00: Third-and-one, Buffalo HAS to get this...

-9:32: ...and they do.

-8:44: Scott Chandler...who knew?

-6:50: Bad throw by Fitz doesn't allow the Bills to convert on third down, but at least they're set for a short FG.

-6:46: Which Lindell makes to make it 17-0 BILLS.

-6:37: Bills allow a kickoff return, but only to the KC 18.

-6:27: Bills recover another fumble, this time by Jamaal Charles, setting them up at the KC 21.

-5:42: Bills can't do anything with it, have to settle for another FG try.

-5:38: Lindell FG makes it 20-0 BILLS.

-4:42: Bills give up a 3rd-and-9, I thought there was a false start.

-3:49: Bills give up a 23 yard run. DO NOT LET THEM GET BACK IN THE GAME DAMN IT!

-2:45: Here comes the Buffalo run defense that we know and hate. Grrrrrrrrr.

-1:46: Bills narrowly miss getting an INT, and Charles scores on a 6 yard pass from Cassel. PAT makes it 20-7 BILLS.

-1:41: Brad Smith takes the kickoff out of the end zone and only makes it to the BUF 14, then they're called for a false start. *sigh*

-0:35: Jackson somehow avoids getting stuffed on 3rd-and-1, allowing Buffalo to run out the clock.

THIRD QUARTER:

-15:00: Fitz finds David Nelson for a 17 yard gain. Good start.

-14:20: Jackson breaks 2 tackles to run for 14 and put Buffalo in KC territory.

-12:12: Fitz gets sacked on 3rd-and-7 to kill the drive. Not liking where this game is heading.

-10:20: Bills give up a first down on KC's first play, but nothing after. Short punt gives Bills good field position again. Hopefully they can take advantage of it.

-10:04: Fred Jackson breaks off a 24 yard run to get the Bills in scoring position.

-8:49: Jackson is ripping off big gains, Spiller is getting stuffed. Not looking good for CJ's future.

-7:18: Fitz finds Chandler again to make it first-and-goal at the KC 6.

-5:12: 3rd-and-goal inside the one...and another false start. Damn it.

-4:42: ...and then a delay of game. What. The. Fuck.

-4:19: Bills somehow redeem themselves as Fitz finds a WIDE FUCKING OPEN Scott Chandler a milisecond before he gets crushed. PAT makes it 27-7 BILLS.

-3:18: KC responds by trying a no-huddle offense, which results in them going 3-and-out...BUT FASTER! I am absolutely GIDDY right now.

-3:04: Roscoe Parrish with a great punt return...and no flags! This is really happening, isn't it?

-1:37: Fitz completes to Stevie Johnson on 3rd-and-11 to make it first-and-goal.

-0:14: Fitz connects with Donald Jones for his fourth TD. Kim Miller says "They better slow down, they're gonna use up all their TDs for the season at this rate". PAT makes it 34-7 BILLS.

-0:02: Chiefs give up hope, start trying the Madden "throw a bunch of long passes" offense. Drayton Florence drops an INT.

FOURTH QUARTER:

-14:25: Chiefs go for in on 4th-and-4, drawing Marell Darius offside to get it. He's going to KILL someone for that.

-14:01: LOL at KC trying play-action down 34-7, and Florence makes good on a second chance to get an INT. Point of comparison: Last season, the Bills' secondary did not record an INT until DECEMBER.

-13:11: Freddy Jackson breaks two tackles to run for 11. If there were more fans in the stands, the boos would be INCREDIBLE.

-11:50: Spiller the Thriller puts the icing on the cake with a 9 yard TD.  PAT makes it 41-7 BILLS.

-9:31: Bills force a three-and-out. Rich Ganon blames the crowd's reaction on the fumble on the opening kickoff, not everything that happened afterward.

-9:30: Arrowhead is fucking EMPTY. Tyler Thigpen comes in. You know you're having a bad game when BUFFALO puts their backup QB in more mop-up duty. Can't remember the last time it happened.

-5:30: Another three-and-out forced by the Bills. All I can do is enjoy this.

-4:33: Bills say "fuck it" and let Brad Smith throw a bomb. It gets picked, but I don't care.

-4:26: I'm bored, so I've written a song about this game. I call it "Kansas City, Kansas City".

You were division champs but,
Now you're slippin'.
Buffalo's opened a case of butt-whippin'

Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'
Butt-whippin', butt-whippin'

BUUUUUUUUUUUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!
BUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!
BUTT-WHIPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's called "Kansas City, Kansas City".

-3:00: Rick & Marv get bored, and talk about Fitz wearing his wedding ring during games.

-2:10: Johnny White gets pasted, and the KC defender takes the time to celebrate. LOOK AT THE SCOREBOARD NUMB NUTS.

-2:00: Inappropriate thought: if an airplane crashed into Arrowhead right now, would it kill less people than 9/11 did? Including the two teams?

-:00: KC runs out the clock as Chiefs and Colts fans everywhere look for their cyanide tablets. Marv notes it's the second-worst home loss in KC HISTORY. Tremendous!

Wow, what an opening day. I had a suspicion Buffalo would have a shot today, but I didn't expect THIS. Well done everyone, and I can have hope for at least one more week.

Bills VS Chiefs thoughts

In the first post I made for this blog, I stated that the day before the NFL season starts is a lot like Christmas Eve, but that the Bills seasons have been like getting clothes instead of toys. I think I may have thought of a better comparison. Today is like the last day of summer vacation before school starts. You have your new clothes and school stuff, and are anticipating seeing friends you may not have seen in a while, and (some of) you are actually excited about going. Then, you're about a week in, and you remember why you spent the whole year last year waiting for summer vacation to start. You have to get up early, classes are boring, and you run into those assholes that you would rather throw a cinder block at than sit by.

The last few Bills seasons are like that time when you remember why you hated school. I haven't been particularly optimistic about the Bills chances since maybe 2006, and I'm not this year. I think they will be improved over last season, but they're still nowhere near the upper-echelon of the league, and who knows if any improvements that are made this year will carry over. They're still in a division with the Patriots, who have owned them since Brady took over as their QB, and now the Jets, who the Bills used to split with, are becoming a top team. At least Miami may suck worse than Buffalo, but I don't see a sweep there, so it's probably another season of going (at best) 1-5 in their own division, which kills any hope they may have. I think they have a shot at 5-6 wins this year.

When the Bills lose, they tend to do it one of two ways. The first, is that they're completely demolished after the opening coin flip. The offense does nothing, and the defense plays like ass (see: the last two games of last season), or, perhaps even worse, they stay with the opposition (which are usually better), but then one of two big plays go against them, and they can't win (see: 3 OT losses last year, playing the Patriots tough in New England).

I think the Bills have a chance tomorrow. I don't think Kansas City is going to be any good this year. I'm not sold on Matt Cassel, and they seem to be in the perfect position to be the new Miami Dolphins, who came out of nowhere after a 1-15 season to win the division, then haven't done jack shit since. I would feel a lot better if the game were in Buffalo though. Either the Bills will somehow hold on in a really close game (missing several chances to put the game away earlier than the very end, which is their usual win), or they'll lose in one of their two usual ways.

Of course, I thought they'd beat Miami in last year's season opener, but then Trent Fucking Edwards had to sink his career.

My prediction: The Bills improved run defense will be helpful, and they may not give up much through the air (I don't like the Bills' secondary, they've had it easy the last couple years since the run defense was so terrible, but I don't think Matt Cassel is good enough to light them up), and if they don't let the game get away from them early, they'll squeak out a win, possibly with KC missing a chance to tie/win at the very end.

Bills 17, Chiefs 14

Tecmo Super Bowl Predicts: Saints VS Packers

Since I'm too big of a wuss to make my own predictions (at least at this point, since you can't know much going into opening week), I am going to let Tecmo Super Bowl make my predictions for me.

I used the Tecmo 20th Anniversary ROM from TecmoBowl.Org and had the computer simulate the game. I quickly made the video in Windows Live Movie Maker, because I'm lazy and too cheap to buy any kind of editing software.